Is it over before it really started?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Is it over before it really started?
10
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 10:53am
I just wanted to get some opinions on something that happened to me.

I was with MM and he was telling me a fantasy. He is very detailed in his fantasies by the way! So I'm trying to get into it, and he keeps mentioning different women at work (they are all in this fantasy). It just got to be too much for me - my mind started to wander and all I could think about was him being with all these women!

I told him this (it kind of killed the mood...) Anyway, he said 'I like to fantasize, and it just makes it more real'. Then I said, well, it makes me think of you being with all these women. He said,'don't think that - this is not a game'. And I said 'ok' and got over it. This affected his mood shall we say, but I got him back in the mood quickly.

My question for you all is 'would this bother YOU?'

I haven't talked to him since this happened on Friday.

n

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 11:06am
I-

It would bother me BIG time. I wouldn't feel special at all; I would be p-off and then hurt.

Why did he do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 11:31am
I don't know why he did it. I told him how it made me feel...

I em'd him later that day and said 'Next time, leave their names out! I said

I don't wanna know!'

He didn't address my comment in his response - just said to have a good weekend.

Anyway, I haven't heard from him yet today. It really did bother me a lot.

I need an explanation from him. And it better be good!

: )

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 11:34am
God, my MM does it all the time!! Shares his fantasies and checks out other women. It's a compliment!! i will be you a hundred bucks he can't do that with the W cuz she would be too jealous and not "into" the idea of a fantasy enough. He thinks you are cool and open minded. it's just a fantasy!! Just cuz he thinks about this stuff doesn't mean he will go after these women! Just something fun to think about........haven't YOU ever fantasized about a person or sexual idea you have no intent on pursuing but it's fun to think about it? Lighten up, he's with you! All men do this, and if you think yours doesn't you are wrong, oh so wrong. It's how they are wired and it doens't "mean" anything - lighten up and have fun :) :)

~jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 11:42am
Iv, this would bother me a lot. In fact recently after having sex MM and I were talking and he mentioned some lady at work was hot and he'd do her.(we work together by the way) and I said, so why don't you and he said she's not like that (she's married) and I said, "So I am?" I'm married too. That really cut the mood quick. I mean we just had sex and he's talking about wanting to have sex with someone else. It's one thing when a guy fantasizes about someone not attainable, like a celebrity, but when he starts fantasizing about someone he knows and has "access" too, that would make me feel like, well that did make me feel cheap and like he was using me and a A is something he would have with just anyone. It didn't make our relationship feel special at all and I bet he was kicking himself for sharing it.

I don't know why your man is sharing his fantasies with you that he has about other women. Why isn't he sharing fantasy scenarios he wants to have with you? Something to think about. Take care..

IBC

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 12:09pm
I -

I concur with Confused 100%. Your OM has explaining to do. Period.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 12:21pm
I would smack my OM if he ever mentioned any woman at his work while fantasizing with me! He can fantasize about them without me. LOL I don't care, atleast I don't know about it..

Just let him know its good that he considers you a good friend to confide but certain things are like this a better left unsaid... LOL TMI, if you will...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 1:17pm
Thanks, Jen.

In his defense, he knows I have fantasies of being w/other women, so maybe he thought he was blending both our fantasies together. He told me that he never shared his fantasies w/his first wife (I think things are different with the second).

Anyway, thanks for the perspective on this. I would still like him to give me a better answer than 'don't think that!' I am sure he dated a lot of women here at work, and I just don't want to be someone on 'his list'. It took me 2 1/2 years to give in to these feelings and it would kill me to think I was just some conquest.

n

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 1:30pm
Yep, this would bother me. When MM is with me, I want all of him with me, and not have his mind wandering off to someone else. We need to be focused on each other when we are together, otherwise what's the point??
Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 1:37pm
Well i just wanted to offer mine (maybe his) point of view. Men just don't always communicate so well. I honestly think most of the time they don't mean anything wrong.

i am glad you realize i didn't mean to downplay your feelings :)

~jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 8:48am
I told him that it really scared me away...

I even told him that my feelings were not even the same after that.

He said that it was totally fictious and he thought it

would get me hot! Well I told him that I don't want details like that...

Told him when I fantasize about him there is no one else around.

We'll see what happens.