Is it possible to love someone.......
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| Thu, 09-18-2003 - 11:43am |
I'm so confused about my feelings. I don't know if I want to stay or go. Just like some of you in your marriages. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of emotions.
I think I have posted here about my harsh feeling for his dd. And, I know that a lot of those feelings are based on things that MM himself have done to me. Last night his dd had a sever asthma attack and he had to call 911, I was told that she actually stopped breathing. I felt no concern for her at all. When he told me I didn't even ask if she was OK. I know that's horrible, but that is how I feel.
At this point I should probably leave the EMA, BUT!!! I don't want to be alone. I want someone to talk to, and I really enjoy the sex, and I don't want to give that up. I hope things will get better, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

I know, easier said than done...
I can totally understand what you are going threw...I've been in an affair for the last 7 months now. I love my "lover" and I know he would be good for me but the problem is, and excuse my language but I don't have the "balls" to break up with my husband, although I love him very much.
These last few months, I have wanted to leave and then I would stay and regret everything, then feel guilty, yet still continue...my emotions are like a rollercoaster.
I'm hoping that giving it time (we've toned it down lately) will renew a spark for me.
I just wanted to offer you support and give you a hug. It must feel horrible being in the situation that your in with MM. Just remember your in control...you can stay or you can go. It's up to you. If you want to be with him than do that, enjoy his friendship and sex, but don't limit yourself to just him, start dating and maybe you'll meet someone that is single and ready to get into a great relationship with you. MM can't expect you to be faithful, he has someone else you should too if that is what you want / or need.
~Wishing~
I wish I could find a happy medium, or a solution to my dilema.
I'm not interested in MM any more. Except for the sex. But, if he told me, he had decided not to leave his W, I would be angry, and releived at the same time. Angry, because he lied to me, and relieved that I would not have to ever worry about being his W. I honestly think this EMA has run it's course, but like a fool I keep holding on.
I haven't yet read everyone's replies... but there was one thing in your post that really stood out for me... "I don't want to be alone"
I know I used to feel a lot like this... I think this is part of why I ended up in my marriage... the thought of being alone did not appeal to me... and in some ways I think that I may have settled for DH... that is not to say that I didn't love him... as I did and still do.
But! with all my marriage problems... the one thing that stopped me from moving forward... was the thought of being alone. I did not want to risk bringing up problems for the fear that it would cause more and I preferred to let sleeping dogs lie. Through counselling though... I suddenly realised... that this was my life and I had to live it... and I didn't want to do it in fear.
Once I realised that I could make it on my own... I didn't need someone else to do it with me... I felt empowered in many ways... and have vowed to do things my way.
I'm no longer scared of what lays ahead... as I know that I can face it... alone if I have to.
It's a common fear really... but I think one that you really do need to face in order to see where your future may lie. Maybe see a counsellour and see if you can put that fear to rest.
I wish you all the best and do keep us up to date.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My