Is it possible to think clearly in an A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Is it possible to think clearly in an A?
3
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 5:04pm
So, do you guys think its possible to think clearly while you are in an affair and truly see that person for who they are?

I tend to believe that in the beginning it is nearly impossible. But how about after a year or two? Its pretty scary, especially when you start thinking about making huge decisions based on these feelings?

But aren't we always guessing about the other person no matter what type of relationship we are in?

Sorry for all the questions! Just some thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 6:55pm
I think there are certain types of people who think more clearly or more realistically in an EMA -

In the beginning there are tons of questions - unless you have a open and honest communicative EMA from the beginning there may always be questions and doubts.

Some people are more able to 'compartmentalize' their feelings -

you will see that word used here a lot --- it just means that some people are better

at bringing out their feelings when it's appropiate for that moment --

I am a compartmentalizer ---

I have been in my EMA for 2 years - always been the less needy and emotional of two of us - I am more of a realist while he is a bit of a dreamer optomist - we compliment each other well in that area of our R because he brings me up and I level him out --

The only time I make decisions about feelings with MM is when I am in need of his time and how I will squeeze him in - and even then we have to be flexible and understanding - I think the big words in thinking clearly are FLEXIBLE and UNDERSTANDING !!! there are no other things to consider - we both know each is in a committed R -

We don't 'guess' or play games or sugar coat things - we know it's an EMA - we both have other prioritioes but when he is my priority he has my attention 200% and likewise when I am with him - you just really have to go with the flow and enjoy knowing someone is out there in this world that needs, and wants you as much as you need and want them

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:42pm
My answer to your question is...NO.

I'm convinved the my EMA has turned my brain to mush where all I thought about was my MM and being with my MM. I was in an ultimate high when I was with him and I experienced tearful lows when we parted. It's an LDEMA...800 miles away, so it's really heartbreaking. During our first year, I considered leaving my husband, finding a job closer to where he lived, etc. It was downright scary how much I was willing to do so we could be together (and the same with him).

We often talked about how badly we wanted to be together but the risks/sacrifices were too much so we felt "stuck." The sacrifice for him was to leave his young son (which pretty much made it impossible for him to leave) and mine was simply hurting my wonderful dear H who happens to be my best FRIEND. It was/still is the most desperate feeling to not be able to be together since we believe that we are soul mates.

We are working on our second year and I have to admit that my brain has cleared up somewhat. I didn't want to admit this but as much as I love him, I feel that he needs to be with his very young son. Since he felt obligated to stick around to see his son grow up a bit more, the pressure of having a second child to provide him with a sibling arose. My MM did not want his son to be an only child. Because of my MM and his W's age, there was no time to wait so she is now pregnant. Although I admit that we couldn't be together, it still devastated me. I was angry, hurt, etc. However, after a LOT of thinking, I realize that we are better off keeping our lives intact. I admit that I will never want to leave my H. Although I'm not "in love" with him, we have a great life together. My family loves him and I love his.

My MM still has hopes that we can be together someday when his kids are older, I don't. Does this mean that the latest developments slapped reality into me? I'd say yes...and I am comfortable with that. I am sad that my soul mate can never be my permanent partner in life but I am thankful that I found him and that he is in my life. I just have to settle for that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 9:31pm

In the beginning... NO!! I know that I couldn't think straight about anything when MM and I become sexually involved... how many times did I think... wow!! I'm in love!

Sweet
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