It really is fantasyland....
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It really is fantasyland....
| Fri, 01-16-2009 - 7:03pm |
So I did see AP this week- it is the 2nd time we have had a few days to be physical and see each other (we live very far away- like still a long flight!) The first time was at a work-related conference. This time, we didn't have to 'hide' which was very nice. It was also just us which was nice. He couldn't stay the night b/c he has two kids that he had to go back home to. W was out of town. (I obviously visited him.) It was SOOOOO wonderful. We actually talked a lot and I learned a lot more about him, why he is who he is, etc. I began this as just FWB. We've known each other nearly a year, been talking for about 6 months, and began PA 3 months ago. I really didn't expect to have feelings for him. But I do. I really care for him and it sucks, because like I said in the title, it is fantasyland. Regardless of our current situations, we aren't leaving them anytime soon if ever. We both have small children. I think we both have good spouses too, whether or not we are in love with them may be a different story. He is M b/c she got PG.
I can't get him and our time together out of my mind. I now that is typical. Sometimes if I want him b/c I can't have him but.... I dunno. Don't get me wrong- I know he has shortcomings, as do I. I know it wouldn't be perfect but now, I can't help but wonder....
I'm officially on the roller-coaster..... :(
I can't get him and our time together out of my mind. I now that is typical. Sometimes if I want him b/c I can't have him but.... I dunno. Don't get me wrong- I know he has shortcomings, as do I. I know it wouldn't be perfect but now, I can't help but wonder....
I'm officially on the roller-coaster..... :(

Hi Mistakes,
I think based on my name I should be the first to respond to you.
I haven't talk to him about any sort of feelings. I know when we started this (well I initiated EVERYTHING) I told him it was just physical and he said yeah, but it was more- we have a connection. One night during our work conference, I wanted to have sex, and he said that he thought there was more to us than that and we didn't that night.
I feel bad because a few times while walking in the city he lives in, he would put his arm around me or something and I went stiff. I was so afraid he'd see someone he knew. I hope he didn't take it that his affection was unwelcome. I also am not a cuddler- he knows this. And I did snuggle up to him in bed a few times or when he'd pull me to him, I didn't move away so hopefully he understood the reaction in public vs the reaction in private.
I understand totally what you say about back and forth feelings. I have been through every feeling from thinking about being with him all the time to telling him that I do have feelings therefore we have to end it! I have been a wreck since I got back- luckily I cover it fairly well! He knows nothing as we've just texted since I got home and he has family in town this weekend and part of next week so I have a period of NC in which to gather my thoughts so I don't say something stupid.
After having gotten to know him more over the past month, I don't think he's a game player. He has always told me that he likes how I just tell him whatever is on my mind- both in and out of the bedroom. I don't have an easy time sharing feelings so whatever I decide to share will be a minimum and shouldn't scare him. We'll see though, he is a guy! :P
He is in a situation where I don't think he feels guilty b/c his M is a result of getting now W PG after only a few months. I am sure he loves her, but may not be in love with her. He's had some difficult situations in his life but he is a wonderful father.
We'll see what happens. I am so glad to have this board for support!!!