Is it really love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Is it really love?
2
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 4:24pm
Since me and MM have been together for 4 months (friends for a year)we have turned maybe what was supposed to be a sexual affair into an emotional one. We have both said that we love each other and just yesterday he told me that he will always love me, this after the fact that we will no longer be working together because I move to another department, but we will still see each other in the building. We both talk about our marriages about our problems well just about everything. He has not mentioned anything about staying or ending his marriage he just talks about W and their everyday things. In the beginning told me that he cared for her because she was the mother of his child and the years they have been together but that they are more like friends. I have not mentioned anything either about staying or leaving my marriage either and told him I have about the same relationship with H as he does with W, although they do fight more than me and H do. I have fallen so much in love with him though that I don't know what to think about my M. I have not been in love with my H for a while and honestly I have never felt like this for anyone. I am very guarded with my felings with MM. He is usally the one to initiate seeing each other, intimacy, and the "I love You"s I usually say "me too" I am so afraid that if I show him affection I will push him away, but on the other hand I feel I am doing that by not doing anything at all. I just don't know how to act. I have never been in this situation this is my first EMA and he says it is his too. Now that I will no longer work with him I feel like I am going to lose him and after that "I will always love you" it seemed like a goodbye. Also the no talk of the future. Maybe I'm just nutty. I'm open to any input please!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 7:27am
As women we have a strong tendency to expect answers to an unknown future. Why do we have to know what our future holds NOW? Half the fun of life is the many surprises along the way...finding yourself in love with someone you never imagined loving is an incredible example. The most important thing about being in an EMA is recognizing the fact that it is what it is. Like anything else in life when you start putting expectations in place the first time something doesnt go according to the plan the dark clouds will roll in...so enjoy what you have, let it be what it is and time will bring you the answers you are seeking...

On the topic of expressing yourself...I am a firm believer that expression is important and if my telling someone that I love them pushes them away then thats just the way it will be. I refuse to let an opportunity slip by when I want to express my feelings for someone...is there a bigger compliment out there than telling someone that you love them? I dont say "I love you" with the expectation of a reply...it's a statement, not a lead in line...

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 8:18am
If you're unsure what your future holds once you move to this new department, maybe he doesn't know either. Have you considered that? Maybe he's telling you he'll always love you hoping you'll reassure him that nothing's going to change. As the one moving away, it kind of falls on you to set the new boundaries. Are you prepared to do that? Feel reassured that you aren't the only one who has no idea how to act in your EMA. There really aren't any set rules for these things...no one's written a book on how to date a married man! Doubt they ever will. Sometimes you just KNOW you could manipulate things to go your way but you aren't sure how to work the situation. But really all you can do is the best you can in whatever your current situation and hope for the best. Telling him how you feel is a risk, but you don't have to just lay it all out there. Feed him a little something, see how he reacts, then proceed accordingly.