Is it REALLY over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2009
Is it REALLY over?
10
Thu, 05-21-2009 - 10:43am

I’ve had this “thing” going on with MM for a few months however, we have never done the “deed”, we’ve gone back and forth several times (ending it, then starting it up again and so on) last time we were intimate was first of April, I tried ending it and he agreed, then basically attacked me….said “this won’t just go away no matter how many times we try and end it”. Well, that was the first of April and since then we still flirt a bit, just last week we told each other we look darn good, a couple weeks ago we said we still have *thoughts* and today he called me at my desk (from his) and had me on speaker phone (he knows I hate speaker phone) and I said “get me off” he laughed and said “I love hearing you say that”…………last week he said “I’ll let you know how she does (his wife regarding plans she had to take care of), I might be looking for a new wife”.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 05-21-2009 - 11:45am

You said:

>>>"we have never done the “deed”, "<<<

And then in another sentence you say:

>>>"last time we were intimate was first of April,"<<<

So, if you haven't done the deed, what type of intimate encounter were you referring to? Did you just give him a BJ? HJ? Just kissing and rubbing each other off? BTW, all of the above to me means you've done the deed.

Look, reality check time. If a man wants a meaningful R with you he would have already made it clear to you that's what he wants, therefore, all these questions wouldn't even enter your mind let alone asking it here. It sounds like you're the only one really wanting an R with him at this point. Men will tell you all kinds of baloney if they feel that's what you want to hear, but it's usually their actions that will show you the truth.

So, I would suggest stop looking for meaning where there might be none and accept this as just an A or a FWB situation. If you can live with just that then fine. If not, then look away when he flirts at you.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com


"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2009
Thu, 05-21-2009 - 12:50pm

First off, I am not looking for meaning, I am simply trying to figure out what this man wants, what he is after. He ends it but yet flirts; does he only want friendship or FWB?


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 05-21-2009 - 5:13pm

Bottomline. This A is not going nowhere because he's not pushing it to go anywhere. You can deny it all you want but from an outsider like me. I see you are the one obsessing and looking for meaning in everything he's saying or doing. Be honest with yourself. Your 'gung-ho" over this guy and if he felt the same way you do, then why the drama? Why asked "Is it REALLY over?" and leave all the decisions up to him. Why don't you make "it" over on your terms and just walk away.

BTW? Men and women can be a "tease" if someone is willing to be teased.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com


"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2009
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 10:30am

People come here to get support and you appear to be very bitter, angry and unhappy and I feel sorry for you. If this is what your A has done to you, I definitely don't want to "go there".


You seem to want to make people upset by what you say, and I am sure you succeed with some, however with me, you are not.


I hope you find happiness and peace because obviously, you have neither.


Good Luck!


P.S. ~ don't bother replying or posting to any of my threads because I won't read them and you will only waste more of your time.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 11:03am

You may not like her answers but I think the previous poster is right on the money. Support doesn't always mean "you go girl" or "you're always right." If you see someone doing something harmful or beneath her, don't you try to suggest that she NOT do it? That's what support is REALLY about.

It sounds like this guy doesn't want the commitment or the anxiety or the drama that comes with actually being with you, but he wants the ego stroke that comes with flirting and knowing that he can jerk you back in if he gives you encouragement at the right time. If you want to be the toy, then you can continue flirting and wondering. If you want to be treated with dignity and move on, then stop flirting back and you'll have your answer: yes, it's over. Why not be the grownup here and MAKE it over rather than letting someone jerk you around?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 1:27pm

>>>"you appear to be very bitter, angry and unhappy and I feel sorry for you."<<<

WRONG!!! And I know you don't want to hear from me anymore, therefore, I just want to respond for the record. I'm a happy, financially, mentally, physically independent strong woman. Men fall all over themselves to try and please me. I have an xH who will jump for joy if I should indicate wanting to get back with him. An xAP (single guy) who's not getting involved with anyone because he still thinks I might look his way one day and I have a BF (former AP) who (got D because I told him I don't go for MM) and will drop everything just to be with me (even though he's a busy MD man).

I don't obsess over anyone of them although I would tend to obsess over my one and only "darling daughter". I feel that men should only be a supplement to an already secure (whole) happy woman. I don't like to see women who thrashes their self-esteem, dignity and lower their self worth just to be with a man.

And, if you don't want to hear the truth, why post on a public message board.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com


"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 1:32pm

I guess you have this A in your control.You are aware of how your AP's head works which IMO is a precious knowledge,atleast you wont be crying over your pillow at night like some women here!

Your AP is not being upfront about what he wants as he himself might be confused.I guess i have analyzed this guy before ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2009
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 1:39pm
You think you know the truth?!!! You come across as a bitter woman who is full of herself and has way too much time on her hands. Don't take it the wrong wayt, I'm just "supporting" you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 1:45pm
Haha! You must be one of those I told the "truth" right in his face before. LOL!!! That's priceless!
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com


"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 2:12pm

Hi -


Wow, just had to reply to your second paragraph about the guy just wanting the "ego stroke that comes with flirting and knowing that he can jerk you back in if he gives you encouragement at the right time."