It was supposed to be the LAST

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
It was supposed to be the LAST
3
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 10:34am
Friday was supposed to be a "good-bye" meeting between MM and I. A little over a month ago, he told me his W was pregnant and now the "stakes were higher" and he couldn't do this anymore. I was fine w/ it. The next day he came back claiming that he loved me too much and felt doom by just letting our relationship go just like that...Would I be open to giving it another go?? I said No, for his sake and mine, but asked that we have one last nigth together. He agreed, then disagreed, agreed again, etc. He wrote me an email stating "it had to be over after the meeting, no matter what I say during or afterwards adn there is no chance to remain friends." We finally made it and spent the day together in a hotel, walked the beach, took a drive, and had lunch. It was nice, not sad, until he made it sad by the looks he gave me and the the sighs adn long silences. So i asked him to stop, then as we lay in bed he propositioned me once again and said "how could two people who love each other just disappear from each others' lives." When I agreed, he asked, "How about we get together every couple of months or so?" I agreed. He made it conditional, that "it is NOT an affair, just two close friends getting together to fill each others' lives, and it cannot get in the way of his work or his family." I agreed.

How much of a sucker am I?? Who thinks I should've told him where to go adn how to get there?? Or am I doing this out of heart?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 11:09am
Dani-

This is so hard, and I'm not sure if I would be strong enough to take the advice I'm giving.

I think you should end it. Seeing each other every few months (although sometimes it's that long for me and my long distance love) will only break your heart more. I don't think "just friends" works. Or would you continue to have sex? I think that would be even worse.

Maybe that kind of thing works for men-I don't think it does for us. And he made it pretty clear that you would be somewhere down the list after his family. I don't know if you're married, but if you're not, I'm sure there's someone out there for you.

Legs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 11:42am
If you have read my 2 latest posts, I think you would know what my suggestion is too-please get out. Why men are content with a wife and a girlfirned on the side is beyond me. If he doesn'want you full time, and that's what you want, he's not worth it.

If you only want a part time thing, then keep it going. I won't judge you because everyone has different issues and reasons. But if you love him and want to be with him full time, he won't do it now. Wait until he figures out what he wants to do and if he wants you full-time later on in life, and you're available, then great.

Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 11:58am
First of all, yes, we would continue to sleep together...spend a day here and there every few weeks or couple of months. I know this is not enough for me, let me explain further.

When I went into this back in May/June of this year, I wanted the convenience of this relationship, I thought it would be fun and exciting and MM was handsome and smart and funny and romantic. I figured I could reap the benefits as well as he could. I am single and still playing the field, haven't had much luck in love and have never been in a long term relationship that has lasted over several months. I've been in love w/ someone who didn't love me back, I've been on the opposite end more than a few times, and I am just so darn picky when it comes to finding everything all in one package. Until I met MM.

A few months later, I am here pining away for him, feeling guilty for causing him to feel guilty and all kinds of other complex emotions. I AM in love with him. It's hard to deal with that. I don't want him to leave his family, truly I don't. But on the other hand, I want him more than the occasional get together... I can't ask him for it though. He said the full fledged affair became too much for him to handle and it was affecting all aspects of his life, b/c he couldn't stop thinking about me and trying to be with me.

Now he has made this decision and if I want to see him and have him in my life, I need to oblige.... I know its wrong, and extremely bad for my self esteem. I figure I can truck thru it by looking forward to our times together and hopefully (please God) meet someone in the meantime and I won't care to see MM anymore.....