Its all over

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2008
Its all over
5
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 8:35pm
Well AP and I had a discussion today. Thought it was best for us to end things right now. He said he didn't know what he wanted and he was totally confused. I told him that was fine that I wanted what he thought was best for him. Is it what I wanted no but for him to be happy is what I want. I told him that if he decided otherwise I would be waiting for him. Probably not a good thing to say. So how long does it take to get over a 4 year relationship that has developed into loving each other so much. It was very difficult. I deleted every email I had. I deleted him off my friends list because I didn't want anything to remind me of him. He did say one thing to me that I really didn't like while we talking about all this. He said you will be free from me and move on now. But the problem is that is not what I want. The only reason I agreed to this is because I want him to be happy and if this is what will make him happy then I will do it. Even though it hurts like hell. He said he needed to get things straight in his head so I have to give him the space and respect to do so. So for those of you who have gone thru this part before should I expect to hear from him again or not?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
In reply to: algirl2008
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 2:50am

Oh yeah, you'll hear from him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2008
In reply to: algirl2008
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 9:01am
Thanks for your reply. Actually he really isn't that good of a communicator. He didn't like talking about his feelings or much about us. He does love me I know that. He said in our discussion he has feelings for me and her and didn't know what he wanted and like I said in he 1st post needed to get his head on straight. We have cut everything off before but it was because I wanted to. This time it was his idea because he wanted to. But how do you get over a 4 year relationship so quickly. I want to think it affects him just as much as it does me but I am not so sure. I am not sure I won't hear from him again. Should I have deleted everything? Should I sit and wait and hope that maybe one day I might hear from him? I don't know. The last time we saw each other was at the end of Aug. I went on an overnight business trip with him. It was wonderful. We had the greatest time together. I told him I loved every minute of it and he said he did also. We have not seen each other since. We have only had about 2 decent conversations since also. One about making it work since I have moved and 1 1/2 away and at that point he said he wanted to. That was a week ago. And the one yesterday about ending everything. Its like I don't know what happened between the time. Maybe the trip was too much for him to handle I don't know. All I know is he said I have feelings for you and I don't know what I want and I need to get my head straight. So I have to respect that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2008
In reply to: algirl2008
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 9:11am

I am sooo sorry to hear of your pain, this wont be easy on you two but i think maybe giving hima little space may help him realise he cant be without u?

Hope everything sorts out....

AP_Lied_To_Me!


xxx


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
In reply to: algirl2008
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 10:23am

How long does it take to get over a 4 year relationship?

A long time. Everyone's different, with different "speeds" of healing, but I would imagine it would take 6 mos. or so to feel even partly better.

One thing for sure - it takes WAY longer if you're not sure if it's really over, if you keep hoping he'll get in touch. You can't even really start counting till you KNOW it's over and you're walking away.

You have a choice somewhat. YOU can decide, here and now, that it's over, whether he gets in touch or not. When you think of any of the long term possibilities, none of them are really GOOD ones if you stay involved with him. If you can decide that it's OVER right now, then you can start the process of healing.

Otherwise, expect that the wound will be scratched and fussed with and get infected, etc., while you're waiting to know "for sure". The healing will be delayed and take longer in the end that way...

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2008
In reply to: algirl2008
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 2:40pm
So I guess the question I have to answer for myself is do I want to walk away and say its over for good and even if he does try to contact me. You are right unless I decide for myself its over I will never truly heal. As I said before this is not what I wanted. It was what he thought we needed to do. I am not ok with it. How can you just get rid of 4 years of memories that were made. You can't. Like I said before I have to respect what he wants and allow him to do this. Yes I know it will never work we will never be together like so many others but I was so thankful for the time we did have together and cherished every moment we were together. What hurts the most is knowing that there won't be anymore of those moments. I won't be able to call when I just need to talk. I won't have something to look forward to when I go back home to visit...whenever I made a trip I always made a way to see him. Hopefully I will be able to move on from all of this and soon.