Its All Over A & M

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
Its All Over A & M
49
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 5:55pm

Ladies - I have been going through so much stress in my life with AP and H and last night I finally snapped.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 6:46pm
Lioness, you know I am here for you, you have had one hell of a 24 hours, try to get some sleep tonight, if anything a little rest will make you feel better. Take some benadryl if you have to, lean on your husband, he wants you too, it cant hurt, right? DO NOT CALL THIS A$$HOLE! Your H is right, if he truely loved you he would be the one you'd be with in your time of need, I cant stress this enough, let him go, start taking care of you, you can do it. I will be here for you, whatever happens, you can count on me, I so value your friendship, and I am going to need to lean on you someday, so now its your turn to lean. You are a wonderful person, and a terrific mom, take that and go with it, where ever it may lead.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2007
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 7:21pm
Lioness... you sound pretty distraught- please be careful..there is only 1 you and you are very important- seek a counselor- please- do it for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2008
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 7:42pm
(((HUGS)))

I may be coming from a weird angle here so do correct me if I am wrong...

Your H is no longerr inlove with you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 8:05pm
Oh, hon....I'm feeling your pain...just read my post below "The Fool is Back"...I've been burned for the fourth time with MM and really believed everything he told me about things being DIFFERENT this time when leaving his wife. It hurts like hell, I know....he's been married for 22 years to a woman who has got to be DUMBER than I am for putting up with his crap. I put up with it for only 6 months, but that was long enough to strip away my pride and ruin a lot of friendships....not to mention how it's made me look in the eyes of co-workers ( MM and I work together) I too, love my husband, but am not IN love with him and he is decent, hardworking, caring man who has put up with my crap for the last 6 months...he and now I realize along with MM wife, do not deserve this. She never cheated on him and loves him so much she takes him back everytime and now after seeing the side of him last night that I saw, I wonder if he isn't physical with her and she puts up with that also...I know she has to be putting up with his moodiness, wondering day from day how he's going to be and act...I don't understand why she would want to live like that, having to kiss his ass to keep him happy, which obviously doesn't work because this isn't the first time he cheated on her....it'll be the same ole thing....things will be "ok" for awhile, then he'll be back to not being happy and resenting her....anyway, I'm sorry for rambling about my problem...just letting you know you are NOT alone with your feelings and pain...I'm here feeling the same thing. Putting myself out there and risking everything for a man who couldn't be honest even with himself and who can't respect love that is given to him unconditionally. Hang in there....
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2007
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 8:35pm

Lionness


I'm so sorry hun...I have to say also...please if you can...


DO NOT CALL AP AGAIN....just don't...i know you're mind is not clear right now but please do not give him the satisfaction of treating you like crap..


You have got so attached to AP that you still have the rose coloured glasses on..he obviously has no heart and does not really care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 9:11pm


Sweetie - Do one thing at a time if u can. Screw AP, reading that ... made me hate my AP even more. THey are all the same. Kick him to the curb.

Can you take a deep breath and work on your marriage now that your Dh is healthier, maybe you can start fresh. You guys had a stressful illness to get through - and you did it!!! That is worth something. I just think breaking up with AP and starting a divorce at the same time is a little much. I think all that anger should be direct to the A and then take another look at the M. Follow your heart.

We're all here.

MW

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 10:12pm

Lionness -


Honey - you have already received the best advice from all the other wonderful folks on the board - so I just want to restate the most important ones.


Number one - do NOT try contacting AP anymore.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 12:37pm

I second Tiger's post absolutely!!

When reading your post, I also noticed that your self esteem is so low sweetie, and it seems like you have a hole in yourself, a hole that you may have tried to fill with this R. Your desperate "holding on" to this man and this R comes not from the worth of it and him, but from your need to keep this hole filled. The thing is, you need to fill the emptiness with something else. Not him, not the R, you need to let those go so that you can figure out what you REALLY need, what your soul and spirit need, to fill this emptiness once and for all.

Counseling is the best idea to figure everything out.

Good luck sweetie, I hope everything works out for the best. :-)

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 2:01pm

its soo true, MW, hearing about other AP's makes me think less and less of my AP, they all think alike, I think the fog is finally lifting for me, I can't even think good thoughts about him today, because of something he told me from his past, this weekend, it is really making me rethink this. I hope I can be strong, and pull myself out again. These men do not deserve us!


Lioness, if you call him, I will personally make it a point to drive to you and throw your phone in the river! Dont do it, I know it is tempting, but he will continue to hurt you over and over and over again, until nothing is left, if you think you hit bottom now, just wait, you will dig deeper and deeper, he is not good for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 2:23pm

I agree with Lexi! What you're feeling now is not so much about AP, but about your self-worth. Affairs are dangerous that way -- something that makes us feel so good in the beginning, also has the ability to make us feel so bad as a person.


Please recognize that AP's deal is he is more concerned with himself than he is with you. By contrast, H sounds more concerned about YOU than himself.


You definitely need to talk with someone... find a counselor. Don't do anything rash. Your first step should be finding your way back to yourself. The rest will follow.


Take care!


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