Its hitting me today...is it over?
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 03-01-2009 - 11:07am |
I have posted here a few times after the last couple of weeks. I have been in the A for 5 months after a friend and I rediscovered each other after 15 years. Admittedly, its been a rollercoaster of emotion for me.
He lost his job of 12 years unexpectedly a month ago. We have seen each other once since then and had sporatic contact. He says he now has limited phone access, limited ability to see me but longs for me more and more. Last weekend was the last time I heard from him - wonderful e-mails about how much he wanted to be with me, can't wait to see me again when life is "normal", how he wishes life were different right now. I was so sucked in and felt so good he was still thinking of me - I understand this is a difficult time for him.
So I was on Facebook this morning and saw he logged on (I don't think he gets on the computer these days as the W is home). I was hoping, because he would have seen that I was on too, that I would get a message from him. But no. So its been a week and its got to fizzle since there is such limited contact now and we haven't seen each other. I keep holding out (because he says it too) that we will see each other when his life is sorted out...I am getting doubtful. So badly want to send him an e-mail but don't want to look like a fool. I figured if he really wanted me, he would find a way to stay in touch or see me, even for a coffee.
So its really hitting me today that this may finally be the end. Lots of tears. I don't understand why a week ago..he was wanting me as much as I wanted him and then he's gone. I would rather he would say to me "its over, I don't want you" then just be in limbo.
Sorry for venting...just having a really hard time with the reality today. Miss him and its hard to get around that I may not see him again.

Pages
Oh...another thing I need advice on. This sort of stuff is helping me cope - focusing on the bad stuff. Although he seems genuine when we are together and on e-mail (but so hard to tell when you don't see body language), there are a few things that really bother me:
1. The job he just lost, he told me on 2 occasions that noone at his work knew he had a family - common law and small child. I can't imagine coming in to work every day and not wanting to acknowledge you have a beautiful little boy. He talked so highly about being a dad and loving his son to me.
2. On Facebook - no mention of family - pictures, reference etc.
3. We have some mutual friends - before the affair, he sent me an e-mail letting me know he had a son but at the bottom it said "SHHHHH". So I kept it to myself. I never knew why he didn't want people to know. Never asked.
Maybe I am being played...maybe he is very private. I don't know.
I'm new here and don't know your story but I wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree it would be better to be told its over than be left hanging. I hope you find your peace with this soon. Its not easy.
Hobbi
Thank you. It has been a hard 5 months - I have had alot of time to digest the situation and I just felt like I had a second chance with him after reconnecting after 5 years, so much in common and electricity like crazy. Maybe it was the thrill of the situation that made it so amazing. I know the consequences - I don't like that I'm putting so much emotion into this A.
I just wish he wouldn't contact me and make me believe that he feels the same....thats the part I struggle with. Tell me you can't see me again...don't make me feel like there is hope with e-mails that make me wait and want.
I know I crave the attention because its zero at home. I don't want that to end. I just really don't understand people sometimes and wish I knew his intentions.
I caved today and e-mailed him. Just a nice, how are you doing kind of message. I felt like an idiot going on and on about my weekend and I know I was just fishing to see what would happen. I was prepared but he often times doesn't respond. This time he did very soon after. I held my breath when I saw the message.
He told me about his weekend and his struggle with finding a job. I know its hard on him. But the part that kills me is he always says he "wants and needs to see me" and follows by very flattering comments that make my heart pound. He told me he can't see me right now because its hard these days (I assume because of the job situation). Is it really that hard???? If he really wanted me, wouldn't he see me somehow...I don't get why he keeps telling me he wants and needs to see me and giving me hope and then doesn't make the effort. I miss him so much!! I really need to stop contacting him and giving up the wait. GRRRRRRRR!!!
You need to go find something productive to do. Obsessing over someone who's not that into you is a big waste of time.
Look, a man who wants to see a woman will find a way to see her. My first AP was "fired" from the company we worked in because he was competing for my attention with his manager. Of course, the manager made it sound like he was dismiss for something else. But we all knew the real reason. My then AP was depressed and busy looking for work, but still found a way to meet me somewhere everyday after work.
So, stop trying to justify and analyzed what's going on with your AP. If he has time to go on FB then he should have time to see or send you a message. Besides, with him denying a family is a big red flag! He's a player that likes to fool women and play with their emotions. Get yourself out of his web of lies and find something else to do that will give you that feel good within yourself.
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson
Sounds like he is already moving onward with no plans to have you as part of his life anymore. If I was wanting to be with someone, I would find or make ways to be with that person. With As, we put up with stuff we would not put up with from others. Crazy isn't it;). I say he is attempting to play you.
<<>> I am willing to bet he is using FB to do more than "connect with his old high school football buddies". He don't even mention his W or child? Sounds like he might be using FB as a "dating service"in hopes of getting more AP.
<<>> If a man was that unhappy with their marriage, they would get out. It happens every day.
<<>> He is "wanting to keep options over" in case things sour for him. He knows if he says those words, you will move on. If he contacts you, don't acknowledge it. Don't let him dictate the rest of your life. The sooner you are walking away, the easier it is to heal:). Good luck to you.
Hi kelugirl :)
If there's one thing I've learned about men over my fift....err thirty-seven years , is that they would rather face, and do battle against,
you say your AP lost his job, right. i can tell you when a man looses his job, it is hard on his self esteem. the contact right now will be few and far in between until he gets his head together. he's having a very hard time right now dealing with being unemployed. if his wife is home with him, well it makes it tougher.
another reason could be guilt. a lot of times when men feel guilty they will stay away for a couple of days to maybe a couple of weeks.,
i don't have much else to add.
Pages