It's my birthday & I'll cry if I want to

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
It's my birthday & I'll cry if I want to
4
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 10:31am
Quick background: MM and I, after being involved for seven months, have mutually decided to "take a break," mainly due to my inability to cope in a mature fashion with the fact that he and his W still love each other, still go out together, etc. Yesterday, MM informed me that he went home and told W that he's been unhappy in their M for some time and is not willing to continue living the way they have been for another 15 years. MM refused to share more except for thanking me for "opening his eyes" and giving him courage to finally express how he's been feeling in that regard. I tell him that if he wants to share, I am above all his friend and am here for him, but that I will not pry.

Today is my birthday, which MM well knows - he's my boss, and his office is next door to the area I work in, where my coworkers have set up a cake, banners, balloons, etc. MM has been out to our area several times this morning and has yet to wish me a happy birthday. This is my 30th, which he and I have joked about for months because he's 40, so this puts us a decade apart in age for a little while. Anyway, he knows it's a big deal to me.

I guess I'm wondering if I'm taking this too personally. I understand that his mental energy is focused on whatever is going on with his W and kids right now. I understand that we are "taking a break" (which, in our world, means no physical involvement, no expressions of love - just being friends and coworkers). But I guess I expected him to refrain from being self-centered for at least a couple of minutes to at least acknowledge my birthday. Do I have a right to feel hurt, or are my expectations out of line?

IP

 

ItalianPisces

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004

hi italianpisces -

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Happy birthday to You! Happy birthday to You! Happy birthday dear Italian! Happy Birthday to You! Honey -- enjoy your day. Thirty -- oh I wish. That was a great year for me. You have so many exciting things ahead of you. If MM is your boss, and he's struggling with his own issues, he's probably just trying to be extra 'cool' so no suspicion arises. You need to keep cool, too. This will be a time when he's wondering about jumping from one thing to the next. Let him know you don't want to be a yoke around his neck, but you are just there to support him and get him through a tough time. I know that's hard for you, and if it becomes too painful you should just back off for your sake. But for today -- just enjoy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I remember 30.....It was a good year! :)

Anyway, don't read too much into your MM not acknowledging your birthday yet. Maybe he feels a bit awkward celebrating with you since you guys are going through a bit of a break. But, I'm sure he'll come around and wish you a happy birthday. Maybe it's because he has to act the part of the boss, too. Please try to celebrate yourself today and have a nice rest of the day!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

do something really great for yourself today!

SB

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