its over

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2008
its over
10
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 11:37pm
so this whole thing started with a stolen kiss
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
In reply to: lifesucksb
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 12:14am
He's told you that he didn't want to be the man waiting in the wings, basically. So with this in mind, the only hope you would have of getting him back, most likely, is to do something about the marriage you're in. If not, then it really isn't fair to him to even try to get him back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007
In reply to: lifesucksb
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 12:40am

You don't.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2008
In reply to: lifesucksb
Sat, 01-17-2009 - 12:49pm

Edited 1/27/2009 10:35 pm ET by lifesucksb


Edited 1/27/2009 10:36 pm ET by lifesucksb
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
In reply to: lifesucksb
Sun, 01-18-2009 - 7:41am

I'm sorry, I don't want to sound harsh, or like I'm judging you, but you sound like SOME of the male APs that these women on here speak of.

He has told you that it is over. That he has been treated unfairly. That he in essence has grown tired of being the OM after YOU choose to end it. I think that you are being very selfish. If you care about him, then let him go find someone that can give him the whole package. You can't do that right now. I know what it feels like to be S in an R w/ a MM. It's no cake walk I PROMISE you that. The playing field is not level, and is favorable to one side, but not the other.

Even though he is a male he still has emotions too, and all this back and forth is hard on the heart, and the head. Try to respect what he says. If he changes his mind I'm sure you'll be the second to know it. He knows where to find you.

I did the whole work w/ AP thing, and then later I worked w/ AP, and his W. After things hit the fan my God going to work was SO friggin' hard, and I like my job. Once I found out I was pregnant by AP, and he was already back w/ the W, man that was a rough time. It's going to be rough for you too, but you can get through it. It will be incredibly difficult, but it can be done.

I hope that I'm not coming off as being unsympathetic to your plight, because I'm not. The extreme pain that you feel, I have felt it too, and I understand that regardless of how you got to the point that you're at, you're here. I can only say that I hope that you can get through this, and come out on the other side realizing that it's probably for the better. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but you're still in the fog of pain, and of an A. I wish you a speedy journey, w/ as few bumps as possible.......the corner is just ahead, after you've turned there you will see the light at the end. We are here if you need us.

Justice

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2008
In reply to: lifesucksb
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 3:29pm
i know that i was selfish and jealous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
In reply to: lifesucksb
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 12:21am

>>>"if ap breaks up with this girl i want him back but it would be a process before im ready again to leave H"<<<

Maybe you need to separate from your H first and really think about what you want in your life. Seems like you're using these men as a crutch to hold you up. You cannot work on rebuilding your M if your mind is preoccupied with an AP waiting around in the wings. It's not fair to both of them that you're flip-flopping and can't make up your mind. There's also a good possibility that you could lose them both, so maybe now is a good time for you to learn to stand in your own two feet and be okay with being alone.

I would also suggest seeking a professional to help you sort all this stuff out.



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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
In reply to: lifesucksb
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 2:13am
i was divorced 8 years ago i got married 1 month ago uring the time that i was alone i started 2 businesses and earned a degree ifound out who i was and what i am made of im with my husband because i want him not because i need someone. being alone can be avery good thing
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
In reply to: lifesucksb
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 1:11pm

Good for you! This is exactly what I'm talking about..... and I love to hear about smart strong women taking control of their lives and making it work for them.

Have a nice day!



Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2008
In reply to: lifesucksb
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 12:01am
no its not like that
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
In reply to: lifesucksb
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 12:41am

>>>"H told me to xmas day that if wanted to be with ap to tell him andhe will pu his things i chickened out and asked h what he wanted to do, well he had me call ap and after h talked with him got me on the phone and told me to tell ap to leave me alone so i did."<<<

Well then you made your choice, stick by it. Let your AP go since you as a MW have decided to get back with your H (BTW, your kids would still have a dad even if you divorced him). As of now, you don't have anything to offer your AP other than him just being a OM. We don't like it when men do that to us and it's NOT nice when we do that to them.

You're a grown woman, don't let other people make decisions for you. Just because your H kind of coerce you into staying doesn't mean you can blame it all on him and use it as scape-goat so you can justify having an A. Besides, your AP deserve to be with someone who he can have all to himself 100% of the time.



Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com