It's over. Heartbroken and feeling alone.

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
It's over. Heartbroken and feeling alone.
11
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 3:36pm
I have been lurking on the form for a while now and haven't posted. But I feel I should because this seems like a great avenue for support. Please forgive me if I haven't quite caught onto your abbreviations for certain terms.

I was seeing a married man for the last year. It ended this week. His reasoning is that he is on some track of self improvement and therefore, he can no longer see me. Yet he still is adamant that we will remain friends.

I never had lofty illusions about what the relationship was,but what I didn't prepare myself for was the amount of grief and hurt I am trying to process. The only time I felt this much grief and heartache was when I recently lost a close relative to a sudden and unexpected illness.I have lied awake at night, crying into my pillow, going from cursing him to trying to reach back out, only to be given cold responses and more sorrow and mixed signals.

Does this hurt ever heal? My coworkers and friends are wondering why I look so forlorn and frankly, ill. I've been saying I've caught something and am under the weather but I cannot be sick forever. How do you process the grief? What activities help you the most? I never knew I could hurt like this...



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 4:25pm

I'm so sorry for how you're hurting right now.  I was with AP for 6 yrs, and he broke it off nearly 5 weeks ago, over the phone no less, with an excuse just as lame as your guys'.  The first week was beyond awful.  I was living minute to minute.  He was still calling me every few days, and we just saw each other for the 1st time a few days ago.  I'm still all over the place with my thoughts and emotions, so I'm sure others here can offer you better support.  But I just wanted you to know that I understand what you're going through.  I don't know that anything has really helped me so far.  I've stayed very busy with projects around the house, trying to wear myself out physically so I could sleep.  It kept me moving forward at least, but of course the feelings are still there to process.  I wrote numerous e-mails to him that I never sent, just to get it out.

How recent was it that your relative passed away?  I'm sure what you've gone through with that is resurfacing with this as well.  Remind yourself that all you're required to do in the present moment is to breathe!  ((Hugs))

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 12:51am
Been there too. I am so sorry, it hurts like hell. I have met up with ap after 3 years. The first days were painful and we had been found out and dealing with that. It was a rough period for me. I had to rebuild me and my life. There are so many more things that deserve your attention more.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007

You must be exhausted from crying!  I'm glad you were able to talk to someone.  My neighbor doesn't know about xAP's other life, so I've at least had her to talk to about missing him.  The only person in my life that knew the whole story said some rather cruel things to me about it & we haven't talked in a few months now.  You're fortunate to have the support and understanding of someone close to you.  Get some rest!!  Tomorrow, as the say, is a new day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2011

Hi Light,

Glad you told a family member and she has been so supportive. The worst part of an A is trying to hide your feelings from everyone else and pretend all is ok. The first month is sooo hard, but each week the pain becomes a little less intense. Would you ever consider seeing a counselor? I've done this is extreme times, and it helps so much to just get it off your chest and put it all out there...especially when its something you cant talk about with the ppl in your life. Keep busy, do things you love, you will get through this!

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007

Yes, it does help to get things off your chest and glad you found someone to talk to.  You would be surprised how many people are understanding.

It sounds like you are starting your week off on a good note.  It isn't easy and it will hurt like hell, but we are here for you whenever you need us!!!!!

 

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