It's So Hard

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
It's So Hard
9
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 7:52am

Even though we haven't really slowed down meeting up, we have slow down all communication except if we see each other outside of the houses.  I don't text, I don't call that is what he wanted.  I've been trying to stay away from my front porch, staying away from doing anything outside when I know he's home.  I need my space too but it is really hard.  I just want to sit down and talk to him, ask him where he wants us to be in a week/month/year.  I feel like I'm cut off from him except when he wants to meet up.  It's not a good feeling at all.  It's just really hard to know he's next door and I can't see/be with him. 

If there is one bit of advice I can give anyone about getting into an affair, just don't do it with a neighbor!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 8:13am
I think the question here is, where do you want to be in a week/ a month/ a year. This is an affair, it is tangled with emotions. You are both battling them, but there is nowhere for the affair to go, except where it is. Correct me if I am wrong but you both stated you are not leaving your marriages, right? So what is left? Where can it go? What do you see as progression? And if it can't progress, are you going to be satisfied and happy with the situation?
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 10:13am
So true Sunny. No it isn't/can't go any further than what it is now. But I guess what I meant is are we still going to be taking it "slow" where we can't even communicate outside of us being at home and talking. Sometimes I just want to call up and talk to him, not about us but just about things going on in general. But yet we do that when we see each other outside. Today is just a really hard day for me. Some of them have been good and some have been hard, this is one of them. Thanks for your advice!
Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 11:14am

Oh, hun, you sound like a prisoner!!!!  lol  

I hope it all works out for you!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 1:12pm

Oh yes Lost I do feel like a prisoner sometimes!  I have been focusing on making sure he is not the only part of my life.  I do my sports thing at night for my son, problem is he knows where I go, he even knows when I get home.  If I'm late he'll make a comment about me getting home later and later. 

Just today is one of those days.  -sigh- I'm sure it will get better tomorrow.

 

Thanks everyone!

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 1:24pm

That is good.  As long as you are trying to be apart and do your thing.  Like I said, lots of kudos for living next door.  I would have a much harder time.

As for the comments...I might not be as nice as you.

We all have one of those days, as I had mine on Wednesday.  lol

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 10:21pm
Forgive me if im wrong, from what I have read this R currently stands on his terms, why is that? There are two of you here, it's give and take, if you want more communication from him, then he should give you that.Take a stand Shouldn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2002
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 3:50am

If you haven't slowed down "meeting up" then you are still pursuing a relationship with him.  Apparently he has decided he no longer wants any contact with you except for the 'meeting up' part.  That means he essentially wants no strings attached sex and is no longer interested in the emotional aspect of the relationship. You are not 'cutting him off'', you are giving him a way out.  Go about your business.  Including being inside and outside your home.  Avoid those Meeting Up times.  You will find in time a new car in his driveway.  Be well on your way to freedom and happiness before his next endeavor.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 9:09pm

We do communicate it's just not by phone or text anymore.  We talk almost daily outside of our house and we talk about family, friends, weather, sports.  Okay we do communicate by text but its not about us. 

I'm going about my business, I'm not planning my time around when he's home etc.  And everytime I think of him and I get upset I walk.  It has been great therapy!  But the pain is still there and will be until I decide it's not.   If we didn't live so close it would be okay, but everything we do each other knows about and it makes it so much harder.  Part of me knows that the past few months I've been acting like a sex crazed teenager, everytime I called him or texted him it was about us meeting up.  Who knows maybe I did push maybe I didn't.  I surely don't like how it is now.  It is like he is controlling the shots.  When we talk there is no flirtiness to it anymore.  I feel like he has completely pulled away emotionally. 

Yet talking to him Friday, he mentioned about how I knew all the male neighbors names.  He keeps harping on me talking to other men.  My H and I decided to go out last night, we only had one child and he is old enough to be left at home.  AP and his W had gone out to have some alone time too.  His son was over at my house.  I get a call from him about I needed to be honest with him if his son was supposed to be watching mine etc.  Very rude and nasty and mentioned something about me and H going out.  I told him no my son can watch himself but that his son was at my house and I told him I didn't care if he stayed.  We got back home and he kept coming out of his house watching me and H and the neighbor talking.  He did this like 4 different times and never said a word but just had this pissed off look on his face.  Next thing I know W is out walking the dog and comes over to talk to us, than AP comes out and comes over to talk to us.  About this time the other neighbor excused himself.  Now we are back to that awkward moment where the four of us are talking.  AP doesn't understand if H has buried the hatchet than why won't he talk to him.  I've told him not to push it.  But he did last night, kept asking my H questions so he would talk to him.  All the while he kept staring at me, even blantaly in front of H. 

I just don't know about AP, I can't seem to figure him out and all I really want to do is move and be done with his whole dang situation.  I'm so over it all.