I've ended it --again

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
I've ended it --again
5
Fri, 03-06-2009 - 8:57pm

Hi, it's been a few weeks since I've posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Sat, 03-07-2009 - 4:43am

hi Pretty, Firstly im sorry your going through this. Id just like to say that a little jealousy in a relationship can be quite healthy as it makes one feel wanted, important, loved, secure, etc. But too much of the emotions and it can be a love kill. All i can say is that Being in a A as many of us know is not a easy path, having to deal with the fact that many of us are cheating on our spouses or our ap are cheating on theirs is another fact that we must deal with. Are your plans for the future involving being with your ap, because if they are your first issue is to deal with the jealousy, or the insecurity as if you dont these will come back and haunt you and destroy your relationship in the future. We are all in a A for a reason, your ap may of once loved his partner, but thats not to say he is still in love with her, i cant comment as i dont know either of you. Trust is a big must in any relationship for it to work, so its so paramount in a A. Im not saying its easy but i am saying that if their is a strong feeling of insecurity now, and if you end up together those issues are not resolved they will come back and bite you in the butt big time. As for you ap loving his partner, even if he doesnt anymore their will be more than likely always a connection between them, especially if their are children involved, but that is not to say he is still in love with her, its just what comes around from sharing your life with someone and having children i suppose.


As for him not contacting you on the day that you would of normally of been together. He did try and make ammends with you and you ignored him, he did try and make small talk and you ignored him. Maybe you just dented his pride, or maybe he thought that you would just rebuff him again, and that your still not ready to communicate. As i see it he has tried from his end so then maybe you need to try from yours and deal with the issues that haunt you now, but talk when your both calm and you can both appreciate each others points of view and hopefully find a way to deal with it.


Hope you sort it hun


But if your jealousy is that intense then i know its harsh but ask yourself how much can you live with that emotion, as he cant change the life he has and has had its about accepting and moving forward if thats whats in your plans. If their are not plans for you to be together then all i think in my opinion is that if your single dont do this to yourself, move forward to a relationship that would be more healthy for you


good luck


SS

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Sat, 03-07-2009 - 7:54am

it seems that you are trying to treat this affair as a real relationship, and you can't. it's an affair, and is what it is. you're trying to make to much of it. enjoy the moments you guys have together for what they are.

Here' the issue. Even though I asked him to stop calling me, I'm upset that he didnt call today. Its Friday...the weekend!!! This is when we're normally together. He's normally here, or we're out to dinner. He stays on Friday and Saturday ----what do you expect, you have ignored his attempts to make ammends. this is probably why he didn't call. it may have to be up to you now.

nd even though I asked him to stop calling me, I'm worried or maybe even a little jealous, that's he's with the W! Am I going crazy?! The mere thought of him sleeping with her is sickening! I honestly dont know what I feel. Maybe it's "I dont want him", but I dont want him to be with anyone else. But, I know I do want him, I'm just afraid that he'll do the same thing to me. -----we are in affairs. part of that is our affair partners sleeping with their spouses. jealousy inmho is not something we have the right to when it comes to M affair partners, acceptance of our affair partners being sexual with their spouses is what we have to learn. if you want this affair to work, a big part is learning how to deal with many of your emotions. otherwise it will never work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2008
Sat, 03-07-2009 - 11:48am

I agree with the other posters..He did try to contact you and you did not respond.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
Sat, 03-07-2009 - 9:51pm

A's are not real realationships. You can't make demands on them. That is why they are difficult. You want to say things but you feel you have no right to do so because he has a W that does that. That is why he is in an A. He wants a no strings..no frills thing. That is what most of them want. I never made demands on my XAP..but I seethed beneath the surface when he neglected me. That is why I'm no longer in it. I was not equipped to deal with the rollercoaster ride of pain.

If you are single..find another single man who can devote his time to you. If jealousy is an issue for you an A is the worst place to be. You are not his top priority. His W is.

Sorry if that sounds harsh..don't mean it to..but why torture yourself like you are with all the "what if's"...let it go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
Sun, 03-08-2009 - 12:48am

Thanks for your responses.