I've spent an hour trying to catch up

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
I've spent an hour trying to catch up
3
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 8:13pm
with everyone. A herculean task, to be sure. Dang but this is an active board!!

Quick update. After leaving H on October 1 - giving him custody - I moved in with mom. I stayed there for almost 2 months, but it was too far from the kids. I felt like I was spending my very rare free time in commute. I essentially work two fulltime jobs, so time with them is of the essence!! So, I got an apartment literally a mile from their house. It's been great. We can pop over and see each other whenever we want. Soon-to-be-ex and I are generally being successful at creating an amicable divorce. Not always, of course, but we are trying.


OM, now SO :-), and I are doing great. Having a few growing pains here and there, but always resolved very positively and with significant growth to our relationship. Obviously making a more settled step together is out of the question until the divorce is final. But even then, there's no telling how we'll wind up. I wouldn't want to rush into anything out of respect for the kids. The shrinks all say give it many months, if not a year, before your children meet anyone you're dating seriously. And SO lives with his g/f, who he does love, albeit differently. So, just as when I was married, I'm taking it just one day at a time. Adjusting to me being the 'other' when before the focus was on his being the 'other'. That's been surprisingly difficult for me.

There is a certain safety net when you're the one married and having an affair. You know, deep down, that bailing out of the affair could be easy to do--just claim duty to the family and go on. But being the single one is making me feel a LOT more vulnerable. A lot more insecure than I was. And, honestly, I don't care for it much. My heart has ached more in the last almost three months than they EVER did in the four months before that. But, as with all else, I'm taking it day by day and trying to learn to heed my heart.

It's good to see you all. I have had no computer for a month, so that explains my abscence. I'm now having monitor issues, but will check back when I can. I miss you guys.

Lucky

PS - Sweet...how goes it? You guys doing alright?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 4:29pm

Hey Lucky,


Was so pleased to see a post from you when I logged on this morning... I had thought about you recently and wondered how things were going... a can't believe it's actually been 3 months already! the time really does fly.


I'm also glad to hear that your kids seem to be coping well with it all... and it must be wonderful for you all to be so much closer.


Sounds like you are handling your 'new' relationship well and taking things slowly... one day at a time.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 6:41pm
That must have been a difficult discussion to initiate. It could have gone any number of ways. I'm glad it went well. It seems like y'all are still sailing smoothly with balance in your life. That's something about you I've always admired...the seeming balance with which you juggle your marriage and family responsibilities with your relationship with OM.

You said something once and I've latched on to that as the one thing I will strive to learn before this is all said and done. (Of course, I've learned so much through this affair, but all that has been due to the natural course of events.) What I am trying to cultivate in me is the ability to be in love and not expect the world. You said that you learned that and it hit me between the eyes and I said to myself that is something I will have to learn if I can ever possibly be happy with this situation longterm. So...that's what I've been working on. Thank you for such good advice!

I hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas and New Years, too!!

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 7:19pm
Hi Lucky,

Glad to see you back! In fact I was just thinking about you yesterday believe it or not!! You must have heard my thoughts :-) Glad you are coping well with H and the kids. I hope things go well for you with the SO (wow, what a difference a couple of months can do). Keep posting as much as you can. Its nice to hear a positive story on the board.

Juliet