Jealous...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Jealous...
8
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 8:12pm
I am so jealous when OM talks another woman and is ignoring me. Anybody feel the same way?? Its as if he is trying to avoid me. He gives me curt buisness answers while he will hang around the beautiful blonde in our group chatting with her for long. Grrrrr.... I am jealous - almost insane...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
In reply to: opal_fire
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 11:45am
Have you tried telling him? Maybe if you tell him it bothers you he will make an effort to tone it down when you are around?! I am friends with my MM and his W and it kind of annoyed me when we'd all hang out and she was always all over him. He can't stand her but he goes along for the kids. I told him that I hated seeing her all over him like that and he told her to knock it off. She is not like that when they are alone but always has to put on a show for guests (pretending they have a good M when everyone knows they don't). Try just telling him.....good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
In reply to: opal_fire
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 12:33pm

Edited 2/5/2004 12:34:38 PM ET by opal_fire


Edited 6/15/2009 12:19 pm ET by opal_fire
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: opal_fire
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 1:50pm
opal-

i read your discussion and I feel so bad for you. I can totally relate. But my jealousy has nothing to do w/ other women. My MM and I have been together for just a couple of months. We love each other very deeply. We spend 3-4 hours, 4-5 times a week together. It's wonderful. HOwever, he owns his own consulting firm so every now and again he goes out of town on business. I am around often enough to know that he is out of town on business and nothing else. I do though get jealous when he is out of town that I can't be with him or talk to him as often as normal. I often have to weight until after lunch and right before bed to talk to him. So it's frustrating. I want to be first more than I am.

depending on your relationship w/ the OM is a better gauge and wheter i would say anything. b/c if you are just sex to him then he will not care that he is hurting you. but if you are more than that then i would tell him. he will stop immediately. turn up the flirting yourself with him. be more attentive than the blonde. good luck

leslie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
In reply to: opal_fire
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 6:30pm

.




Edited 6/15/2009 12:20 pm ET by opal_fire
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
In reply to: opal_fire
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 11:51am
I'm with ya, Opal. MM is a flirt by nature and generally the women he's flirting with aren't even remotely attractive. There's one woman who works with me who's semi-attractive. I've been jealous of her in the past but he's laughed it off, saying he doesn't think she's even pretty. He just is one of those guys everyone loves and I have to accept that some hugs and touches come with that. For a while I thought I could never be married to him because he's too much of a flirt and it would drive me crazy (some women tend to get the wrong idea and the littlest attention from a good-looking man has them all over themselves) but then I realized something. I'M a huge flirt too. I just don't generally touch anyone but MM and H, but I'm real bad about playing the dumb blond so men tease me and pick on me. I love the attention and MM flirts for the same reason. Chances are your guy is doing the same thing...looking for attention. And it's possible if you let him know you're jealous he might go in the other direction and flirt MORE. My MM didn't do that, but he didn't stop. He actually enjoys that I'm jealous, so I make it more of a joke. It's worth mentioning to him that it bothers you, though, just to put it out there. Sometimes it's more important to get to the bottom of WHY they do a certain thing and when it comes down to them trying to get your attention or show you they're appealing to the opposite sex so you'll want them more, that can only be good...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
In reply to: opal_fire
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 2:39pm

*~




Edited 6/15/2009 12:21 pm ET by opal_fire
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
In reply to: opal_fire
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 2:47am
My MM is also a big flirt and what I call a "player" - when we first got together we were out with a group and I made a comment to him that let him know I was jealous of the woman he was giving too much attention to (in my opinion) and then I regreted it.

We are supposed to be in this just for the sex - so maybe my A is different. We are supposed to be "friends" first and want to preserve that over anything. Yeah - he just doesn't want any strings! One thing I realized before we started our A was that he is a flirt, likes attention and I can't really trust him - afterall, he is lying to his wife who he has no intention of leaving. So why wouldn't he lie to me as well?

I'm mostly just venting here - I have to evaluate how much I value this - because in my opinion being involved with a MM who is lying to his wife in the first place is someone I can't put 100% trust in. By the way - I'm married too and will not allow myself to fall in love with this man - this is something I am doing for ME, something to give me a boost and explore a side of myself I cannot with my husband. Actually, I don't know what this all has to do with the thread - I just needed to talk and vent! I'm trying to figure out how this makes me feel and if it is worth it - feeling jealousy is not something I want to feel but I do!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: opal_fire
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 5:26pm
This isn't funny... but can I tell you a kind of amusing/sad story? I was seeing a guy I was just crazy about. He was what I would term a player. Relationship ended up not working because of his constant flirtation. What I would have know, had I let the relationship go any further, was that he was also impotent because of a physical problem. He was flirting so much because he needed to do that to make his ego better. At the core, he was the sweet guy I was so attracted to. I often wonder now what would have happened had I looked beyond the flirting to find the cause.