Jealous of AP Significant Other

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2009
Jealous of AP Significant Other
5
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 9:07pm
How do you cope with your AP having sex with their significant other?
"You Cant Lose What You Never Had" ---

Muddy Waters
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2010
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 1:44am
It isnt easy.... MM claims, nothing happening.....i really dont want to know, i dont ask......i am MW and my H wants his conjugals so who am i to complain if MM gets same .... its just best not to think about it,

Life is too Short ... A. since Mar 29th 2009

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 9:47am

My AP and I spoke about having sex with our significant others before we even met. I had not had any physical contact with mine, nor had he. we agreed that we would remain committed to each other, but I am still unsure if he is just telling me a lie to save my feelings. I do know his wife and she doesn't know about us. She hasn't shared any details, but I do know they sleep in the same bed. You are both in the same situation, tell your AP what your thoughts are on the subject and see where it takes you. You may be better suited to find someone single.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2007
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 5:41pm

An effective way to deal with your feelings of jealousy regarding his marital sex life is to simply not discuss it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 11:38pm

Um. By trying not to let it drive you crazy!!!! I know, we have no right to expect anything of the sort (monogamy) and I never did. But it didn't make me any less nauseous at the thought of it!!!! After a while, I got kinda good at making the thoughts leave when they came. And for the most part, thoughts of them together came less and less after time. But then these phases would strike where the thoughts just wouldn't go away. And I couldn't banish them either. :-( When those times came, I just told AP that I was feeling very insecure and would he snuggle me and reassure me that "we" were okay. He was great about that.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 1:58am

well if he/she is married you have to realistically and logically know, understand, be aware of the fact that married persons do INDEED have sex with each other. no matter if he/she says it isn't regular, or good, or exciting, or.... whatever. guess what!? they are married and they will probably have good old fashioned missionary sex that lasts 10 minutes tops.


what can u do? don't ruminate on this fact of life. if you don't like it, spend time with someone who doesn't have a SO. Otherwise, you are fooling yourself if you think they never touch each other.


don't expect to know when it happens, or how. that's really not your business anyway.


good luck with it all. it is difficult to navigate, but if this is what you want, you have to be realistic about some of the issues related to having an affair.

when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal