Jealousy.....How to deal???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Jealousy.....How to deal???
3
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 9:25am
Sorry, kind of long.

His jealousy...not mine. I am single, involved with MM. It is a new A, we haven't even kissed yet. He has started to question whether I am involved with anyone else right now. I have a lot of male friends that I go out with fairly regularly and he keeps "joking" that I better not get drunk and decide one looks like him one night. There are other little things like this he does. Friday, which is supposed to be NC (all weekends are) he called me twice while I was out with a guy friend. (The first...and second times he has ever called.) Saturday he messaged and called again. On one hand I think it is sweet and it shows that he really does have feelings for me (more than he is willing to admit I think). On the other hand it is frustrating because I want to ask him what makes him think I should be faithful and only be with him when he gets to go home to W on the weekends?

I don't want anyone else right now but him. I know how completely illogical this all is, and I know I have nothing to gain by being faithful to him. My question is, can any of you relate to this? How do you deal with knowing you are involved with someone in an R that has no future, and yet you just don't care? (I am usually so safe in my decisions, nothing that might get me hurt, and here I am like a moth to the flame and I don't have any desire to make it stop.) Finally, how do you fight the urge to point out the irony in MMs jealousy?

Maybe these are stupid questions, and I just need to get out my feelings. Thanks again for listening and input. I think that I would have exploded by now if it were not for this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 9:41am


Hi Numbers,

They aren't stupid questions. They make perfect sense.

Frankly, I wouldn't try to reassure him. I let my MM know that I have every intention of going out. (And I do. When I want to. Someday. LOL)

Especially early in an affair, you are establishing your ground rules and boundaries. You have to let him know that you have a life and that you intend to fully live it. He has to deal with his own emotions.

How do _you_ deal with jealousy? Do you have a problem with it?

(hugs)



Cazrida

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 9:41am
Hi numbersgirl! Have you talked to MM about the NC on weekends thing? Maybe he needs a reminder that this is how you want it, NC on weekends. You should talk to him and ask him why he is checking up on you like this. It doesn't seem fair that he should check up on you while he is home with W. But, then again, jealousy is a natural emotion, and maybe he really cares about you and fears losing you to someone else. Reassure him that you don't want anyone else but him, but that you also need your space on weekends to go out with friends. Don't know if any of this helps, but I would try talking to him first, and see if that clears things up a bit.

:)

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 10:00am
Actually NC during the weekends is his thing. That is why I have been so surprised at the phone calls and instant messages. He lives away from his W and son during the week because of work, but he goes home to them on the weekend. We met through work. It really makes me happy to know that he is thinking of me and I guess it isn't my problem that he is breaking his own guidelines. It is just strange that we agreed to start this as purely a physical relationship, but we haven't even kissed and we spend all of our time just talking together. (Not that I am not REALLY EXCITED for the other stuff.) *grin*

Do I have a problem with jealousy? I do get jealous, but in this situation I have walked into it trying to remember that I don't have that right. She was there first. It bothers the heck out of me that she has him in a way I never will, and that she doesn't appreciate what she has. But, that is my own issue to deal with....

Cazrida, I love how you said you will go out when you want to....someday. LMFAO. I can so relate to that. That is what I keep telling myself!!