Jitters

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Jitters
4
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 8:26am

I'm just thinking aloud and hoping to find a place to share my jitters.


AP's W is moving out in a few (2-3) weeks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: allismom8
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 8:55am

You have every right to be jittery, but let me chase away some of the squirrels for you. :-)

You say for the next three months you and he won't have much time to be together. I actually see that as a good thing. I would suggest you keep your time together between the two of you and not include DD at first. Even if she's level headed and "knows" whatever she knows, she's still a daughter to her mom and has feelings and emotions, so it would be best to let her get used to the idea of her parents apart for a little while, IMO.

As for your eventual relationship with his DD, no matter how rocky it might be to start (and it may go quite smoothly - one never knows for sure) try to imagine it all 3 or 4 years down the road. MOST children come to accept and have affection for their parents' partners, if their feelings are validated and honored in the beginning. Try not to take it personally if she starts out preferring time alone with her dad and you not being around. The more you honor her feelings in the beginning, the more chance a real relationship will develop later.

I'd also suggest you go over to AAS (after the affair support) and ask specifically about relationships with the children when the relationship started out as an affair. I think you'll be heartened that it usually turns out fine - even if there's a rocky beginning. As I said, not all of them are rocky to start out, but if that's what you EXPECT, then it'll just be a lovely surprise if it starts out fine.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
In reply to: allismom8
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 10:16am

Thank you Lexi ... you are good at keeping the squirrels away!


AP's D has seen me and knows who I am, we've chatted a few times about her sports, school, college etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
In reply to: allismom8
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 9:13pm

AP and I were talking about our extended families.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: allismom8
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 7:34am
It's normal to be nervous! And excited. And everything else that will go along with this heady time. We'll hold your hand along the way. These are big steps!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've