Just a comment on all of this 'crap'

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Just a comment on all of this 'crap'
18
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 5:58am
Hi All, It's been a couple months since I last posted. My A has been underway for five months. I'm M (long time) he's in a relationship w/ kids (both are in our 40's). Have any of you ever wondered why/how we allowed ourselves to allow this much pain into our lives??? Regardless of how miserable I was before A...this has created so much more 'crap' for me to deal with in my head than I EVER imagined!!! Wanting to be with him....can't wait to see him...guilt, guilt, guilt.....having an A's test....weak, weak...trying to let go and go back to previous life, but can't and don't want to.....crying, crying, crying...happy for short periods. How in the world does one find themselves in a situation like this with no end in sight!!!

We humans create more trouble for ourselves!!!! As if life isn't already hard enough!!

Not really looking for replies, just venting and wondering if I'm alone in this mindthought!! Take care.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 10:28am
Hi maree---

I know what you are going through and I am sure you are not alone... if that helps

any... The emotional rollercoaster of all this is insane... why we put up with an

unavailable man putting us last... I will never understand.. just when I think I am

getting it together ( didn't call him for a month to give him space and give my broken

heart a break) he's still inside me with his face branded on my heart.

I don't know what to do... I am dating and hoping someone will help me remember that I deserve to be first. I don't think I can let anyone else ever touch me... I am finally faithful but to a MM..... omigod!!!!!aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Hey do something nice for you, not sure if you are M or S but you deserve to be first

in your man's life, don't give up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 12:30pm
Read yor post and had to lol.I just posted one called need advice dearly.You are so right.The s--t we let our-selves get into is rediculous.I wonder if life is worth all this crap.So yes I have your exact some thoughts.Take care!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 1:03pm
You hit the nail right on the head, lol. For once, I would like some dam consistancy in this R.. The ups & downs, the crying spells, the lonilness. We have to have a iron gut to deal with all this.

I don't know why or how we do it. We just do.

You're still new in your A. Try to keep up the pace for 3 years, lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 3:28pm
I've felt the same way many times. I'm not sure if you're M or S, but I can tell you from my experience, that for me, it still bothers me here and there. MM and I have been together for five years this coming February. I'm also M. I have my days where I want to end things, because I lose sight of the direction of MM and m R. I get a little depressed because I know that we won't be able to get together for a long time. We both have families, and it'll be hard to make things work. I start to wonder if he will still love me 5, 10, even 15 years down the line the way he says he will. He hasn't given me reason to believe that he won't, but that will always be a possibility. Then I think about the time we've been together, and my doubts go away. It's different for everyone. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 6:32pm
I totally agree with everything you have said. I am M and so is my A. Its been going on for only 3 mths but i have allready been on an emotional rollercoaster. We are both unhappy in our marriges but that doesnt change the fact that we ARE married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 7:34pm
You really nailed it! We do put up with so much! Seeing a MM is one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride! I've been in my A for over 10 yrs! But after I look at all the +'s and -'s this man brings to my life, I'll stay on the ride for as long as it takes. I guess it gives me a future to look forward to. 3 more yrs. his kids will be grown and he will be all mine! He is always busy with the kids basketball games, band performances, play performances (they're involved in EVERYTHING) that the worst thing I see me doing a lot is not making plans with other people because it may end up being a night he can see me and I don't want to miss the only chance I may have that week! I can never bring myself to say...sorry, I'M BUSY!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 10:28pm
Yep -- it's crap, and I am fed up. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore.

I just posted on the 'Ending' board. I don't know how much more I can take the ups and downs. I have read about so many of you who have been doing this for YEARS! I don't think I'm cut out for it. We'll see.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Charlotte



 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
Sun, 10-26-2003 - 11:31am
Hey cyber pal. How do you really do it? 10 years is a long time to wait. How old were the kids when you started this? Is the plan to wait till the kids are grown and out of the house? You made this agreement from the start?

The reason I'm asking is because I've been in a 3 year A. and the plan is to wait till his kids are grown, but I don't know. I love him very much. He makes me happy and he makes me sad. I know it's all a part of the r., but, geezzzzz.

I love him and would do anything for him, but the prospect of another 10 years is hard to imagine. Right now, I'm in this. Right now, I decided to wait, but in the back of my head there is that doubt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Sun, 10-26-2003 - 11:37am
AHHH LOL, and I was wondering if it was just me going insane at times

crying, being ok, being sad two hours later etc....just this constant

emotional rollercoaster. So thanks for just simply posting and

to let us all know we are not alone out here simply dealing

with all the "crap" that is unfortunately associated with an Affair.

A friend of mine warned me a long time ago....and I knew it would be

difficult, but never did I imagine the mess I got myself in and I say

this with all my love for my MM.

How it will end is just what really scares me....my biggest fear is

that he (mm, w. pregn. with 2nd child)will one day look back and

regret even having ever spoken to me, been with me. Because W got

very very suspicious...and I don;t want to just be a temptation to him

doing wrong....so I plan on ending it next week...most of all then I am

afraid of loosing my close friend...because with constant contact

andn our chemistry...well it will be hard...so you see again what

a mess...LOL to all .....PS: But do i regret having been with him

No....LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sun, 10-26-2003 - 1:06pm
It's reassuring, in it's own twisted way, to know that there are so many others who understand this feeling. The ups and downs are unbelievable and I keep reading "10 years" in so many of your postings. That is my case, as well. I don't know if I can do it, but no matter what I tell myself to convince myself I have to get out of this, it all comes down to the fact that I really love this guy and he really loves me. He has told me I am the love of his life. So, on one hand I understand how much it means to him to be with his kids and the fact that he can't bear to be without them, but on the other hand I think, how can he feel so much for me and not be with me? It's so very complicated and confusing. He's married and I'm not and I think it's harder for me because at least he has someone there. I am not opposed to a relationship with someone else although it would feel unnatural - after all my heart is with him. But then again, it makes no sense to sit around and waste 10 (or maybe less) years of my life. This is insane and I think I'm going to end up that way if I stay in it. No wonder I'm depressed. Thanks for the opportunity to vent. We all have to really search ourselves and figure out what's best for us.

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