this just hit me...
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| Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:26pm |
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My MM just eluded to something on Monday in that I sent in an back in April when I told him about being sick and that I could not make a business trip. He asked, out of the blue on Monday, "did the case you were so worried about end up O.K. even though you weren't there to take care of it yourself?" He knows I was not there because of surgery, yet has NEVER talked directly about it. So, yes- things DO sink in to their heads.
Not sure if he is testing the waters here or not with how much he wants to know about my cancer or if he maybe really cares and this is the round about way to find out????
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WHAT A DOPE I AM!!!! He asked about the case that I missed- not about me/my surgery. Hw can I think he cares about me when he asks about an inanimate object versus a person?????
Gee- what an idiot I am.

You are doing the EXACT SAME THINGS I was doing with my MM long before we got involved in an EMA. I, too, would analyze to death things he would say or do. Once we finally did become involved, I found out that I was mostly wrong on all of the assumptions I made about what he was thinking or feeling. I have found that men in general are pretty straightforward. They say what they mean and mean what they say.
I don't think your MM would spend his time talking to or e-mailing you if he wasn't interested in you or didn't care about you. However, like my MM, I don't think he necessarily wants to be involved in an EMA, for whatever reason, and I think he has a wall up to prevent that from happening at this time. When you get too close, he pulls back so as to protect himself.
I can tell you that my MM and I were involved for over a year, and he was pretty much torn up with guilt about it the entire time, ending it several times, but always coming back. He finally did end the physical aspect of it a couple months ago, and I think he will stick to it this time. For me, the going back and forth tore me up, and I finally told him so. It was then that he decided that he needed to make a decision one way or the other and stick to it. The fact that he chose to end the physical aspect of our relationship doesn't mean that he doesn't care about me. In fact, he just told me the other day that he still has "strong feelings" for me and he is frustrated that he had to choose between our relationship and his family.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is your MM probably does care about you more than you know, but I think he is being cautious in taking your relationship to a place that he is not ready to go to. My suggestion to you is to enjoy him for what you do have together, relax and let things happen naturally, and perhaps it will develop into something more and perhaps not. Either way, be happy that he is a part of your life.
I hope I have helped. Best wishes to you with your health and in this relationship with MM.
Kall03
Your post was very much appreciated. Yes, I over analyze things to death. Works great for my career but makes personal life a melodrama!
MM and I have never been intimate and I agree, I think we will be friends of some sort and nothing more. Makes me sad, but obviously this is the way it is meant to be. And as I have said several times before, I'm saddened by this but know that this is what's right. There are so many people that this would effect. I would never want my children nor his to be hurt. Nor would I want my H (who already has found out) to be any more hurt as well as his wife ( who does not know any of this- although what is there to know???? We have only met for lunch a few times and drinks several times.) Anyhow- again, selfishly I am sad I will not have the closeness and intimacy with my MM that I long for. Many, many tears I have writing and thinking about this....
I need to find this once again with my H... a very long road ahead of me....
I think it's time you spelled out some or all of the details of your medical issues with MM --
this way you can be clear if he cares about you or is just being nice --
I think you are over-thinking/over anylyzing this ---- and I think MM is just trying to keep the communication open -- he is listening he could have completely forgotten about the whole project in itself....
I could be wrong here -- and if so I am sorry --- but from what I am reading it just seems like there is a certain awkwardness to the two of you and I think the medical situation is the awkwardness and it needs to be out there for the two of you to discuss
Kikki
I wouldn't mind talking to MM about my health but I feel this is what pushes him away. Everyone says to keep it "light" with him and let things evolve. However, I get what you're saying. If the tables were turned, I would want to help him out in any way that I could w/o interferring in his M life. But that's how women are. Not men. Whether he cares or is just being "nice", well I hope it's the first of the two but again, I am not able at this time to discuss with him. If HE were ever to bring it up, I would then take the oppty to go into detail.
Yes, there is an awkwardness. The email that where I told him about me was a month ago and something I said in that email may have stuck with him. I said I liked that he did not treat me different (although he did not know I was ill). I think he is respecting that comment and is NOT bringing it up as he knows I don't want anything from him so he does not treat me any (or much) different than before.
You say "he is listening he could have completely forgotten about the whole project in itself.... " . Is the project my health or the law case? Sorry, not sure what you mean by this statement. ( Rather dense today! ha ha) Do you think he has forgotten about whatver you are referring to?
Read my post " a serious question" from a few days ago... seems to sum it up pretty well.
You know what REALLY kills me??? I am a confident and successful career woman, attractive, out-going, etc. Why do I revert to such a ninny over this man?
Edited 5/24/2004 10:24 am ET ET by vles64
I need to find this once again with my H... a very long road ahead of me.... "
V -
I am in the same boat. Having had the intimacy and closeness with MM I now realize even more what I am missing with H. And, given the fact that MM no longer wants to continue the physical part of our relationship, I am left with this empty feeling. I am trying with H, but it is very hard.
So, be careful what you wish for. On the one hand, being intimate with MM would most likely be wonderful, but on the other hand for whatever reason he may not want to continue, which can be very hard to deal with as well.
Best wishes,
Kall03