Just an Illusion?
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| Mon, 09-15-2003 - 3:50pm |
I moved into my new apartment last weekend, and MM has been over twice since and both visits have been so nice. He tried to come over a few other times, but I had other things going on. He's out of town right now and I'm missing him a bunch. I'm not going to stop seeing him, but I can't help thinking of what will happen down the road. We've never talked about his intentions and what he wants out of this relationship. In fact, he rarely talks about his relationship with his W. We kind of started to talk about it the other day and he said something that I wish I had dug into further when he said it. We talked about how long it's been (6 or 7 months) since we first got together and I asked if she appears to know what's going on. He jokingly said he's not doing anything wrong and that it's all an *illusion*! I was shocked by that and didn't really know how to respond. I asked him if he would protect my identity if we were to ever get caught and he said he'd deny it until the end, unless there were fire and electricity involved. :)
I'm so bothered by the whole *illusion* comment. I wish I had dug into it further, but I just let it go at the time. He didn't want to talk about it. What the hell does that mean?! Does it mean that he just doesn't want to be honest with himself and come to terms with what's going on between us? Does it mean that he's just having fun and doesn't want to deal with the seriousness of it all? I don't get it. I'm not going to probe because I just want to enjoy the time that I have with him -- but it bothers me. I don't want what he have together to be considered an illusion, but I also don't want it to end.
What to do.... What to do.....

from his comment i would say he feels like the EMA/A with you is his fantasy/escape from reality (his M), thus the "illusion" comment.
unless you both have discussed being together in the future, he's staying in his M and using the time with you as an escape. i don't mean to be harsh here. i really don't know your story, but most of the MM i know, including my own, are using the EMA/A as an escape/fantasy played out from their Ws and Ms. after all, we give them the best of both worlds, no responsibilities, bill-paying, chores to do, only relaxation, sex, conversation and fun (most of the time anyway!).
relax, as long as you're both on the same page in the R, enjoy the time with him.
take care,
gurl
I'll take your advice and just relax and enjoy the ride :)
Thanks!
Enough about me, the "illusion" remark would bother me too, feeling about MM as you do. If you can't put it aside you're going to have to ask him, but as you've already said, not until you're ready to hear the "worst" possible answer. Keep us posted! I sympathize--JB
Is there any way he was referring to his marriage being an illusion? Some people seem to feel that way...you know, appearing to have a happy marriage on the outside..to eveyone else, but really the marriage is dead on the inside.
That would explain him saying he was doing nothing wrong.
I don't know the whole context of the conversation of course, but just a thought.
Nitro
Liberal
i can understand why your mind starts to wander. you're single and probably not dating since your MM doesn't want you to, but you really have to live your own life. get out and be social. i feel that once you start taking control back for you and your life, your MM will either come to terms with it and the A will end, or he may go the other way and realize you are his future. regardless, YOU have to fill your life with meaning -- good friends, social occasions, career, etc.
remember honey -- you only have this life and you have to live it your way!
take care,
gurl
I agree gurlfriend that it's up to me to make my life meaningful. I think I do a pretty good job of doing my own thing and having an active social life outside of my MM. I'm so greatful to have great friends and a good career and I'm sure these are the only things that keep me sane! But, I haven't wanted to date anyone for awhile. When we first started seeing each other, I did date, but haven't lately. I think maybe because I'm getting settled into my new place and work has been a little nuts lately...or maybe it's just because he's really the only man I want to see right now! Who the heck knows why! I know this won't last forever, but I just have to keep reminding myself to enjoy the good times while they last. Maybe the whole thing is just an illusion to him...and hopefully it's everything he imagined and more ;)
Aside from an occassional comment here and there that I have trouble interpreting, everything is great! He's out of town until Thursday and I'm missing him like crazy! But, I'm doing my best to stay busy in the meantime. I can't wait until he gets back. Last week when he went out of town, he went from the airport directly to work and then to my place :) I'm hoping this week he does the same.
Thanks again for your responses :) It really helps to get other's perspectives on things.