just letting it out
Find a Conversation
just letting it out
| Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:53am |
Please forgive me for letting off a little steam. Or perhaps I should say, forgive me for writing this - but it's saving me from sitting at my desk and crying. And I really don't want to do that. We have had posts on here before about the power of that one single email - the one that can make or break your day. It's just that whole issue that has gotten me down. Sometimes I feel like a switch. I am switched on when it's convenient, when he wants his fix. When he's too busy, when he doesn't have time or even when he can't be bothered, I just get switched off. My feelings don't matter. How I might feel about stuff seems to go neglected. And I hate myself for it - because I know that if I were stronger and had more self-respect, that I wouldn't be prepared to take this crap. That I would challenge it, or even walk away. But I don't. Why? Because I am too scared. Too scared of what he'll say. Too scared that I will be forced to let go of this man I love.
Some days it just feels as though I am not strong enough to carry on, but not strong enough to stop.
Sorry friends - don't want to fill your day with sadness. Just needed a way to try and keep the tears at bay. Not sure if it's working.
Some days it just feels as though I am not strong enough to carry on, but not strong enough to stop.
Sorry friends - don't want to fill your day with sadness. Just needed a way to try and keep the tears at bay. Not sure if it's working.

Dusty
deedee
Although not as bad as it used to. I used to take it alot worse and cry and everything. Now I don't cry over him anymore. But I know he's got a really busy job too, but still, he thinks nothing of not speaking for a couple of weeks or so, then just thinks I'm just going to jump when he says so.
Rain - what a fantastic post. Thank you. You have calmed me and stopped my head from whizzing. And even if it is just for a moment, it is worth it.
N x
xxx
I think on any given day, at any given time, we have all felt exactly the way you do. It is so hard when they ignore everything that is important to us, that we hold dear and we are expected to be concerned over the tiniest thing that happens in their lives. Ok, now that's out......WHEW.
My dad is terminally ill, altho MM has told me that he will be there for me, if I need anything, he doesn't ever seem to ask me how he is doing. He lost his own father last year suddenly and it affected him greatly. MM is an only child. He was very very close to his dad and I understand that it's hard for him to have big conversations about it, but he could at least care enough to ask. Well, yesterday I was in a terrible mood and that was the first thing he did ask me, is your dad not doing well? Altho, MM was who I was mad at, it melted with that one sentence. It made me realize that altho sometimes we think they are insensitive to us, that maybe we really are in their thoughts more than we give them credit for. My sister keeps telling me that men are different, they just don't think like we do. I can see this in many ways to be true.
Hang in there and don't worry. I am sure you are on his mind. I hope the emails you get next will be the ones you've been waiting for...........
Kitty
So, for now, I wait. Maybe this time things will be different, who knows? I only hope H keeps his promise to work on our R. That would change things alot for me I think.
Dusty
Dusty