I see your point, but most of us who are mothers don't see ourselves first as "stunningsexywoman." Our sexuality is there, all right, but it kind of pales in comparison to the importance of what we're doing in our family lives. No offense intended, but I don't think you can appreciate that if you're not a mother yourself. I am told I'm beautiful, but that's not the first thing that I think of when identifying myself. I almost always think of myself as a relational human being, which I consider far more beautiful than my appearance.
OTOH, if I were a BS, I would be posting under some other pseudonym than "mumof3." Like maybe "wanttostranglehim." ;)
FWIW, one of DH's friends is getting divorced. He always gave off a bit of a louche vibe, though I could never put my finger on it; I always wondered when I met him, is he coming on to me? Turns out I was right about the vibe - his infidelities are the reason his wife left him. His email address? An amalgam of his, his wife's and his kids' names. Go figure.
I suspect that the screen names reflect when or why they joined iVillage in the first place. A lot of women start out on the "mommy boards" and choose a name that they think is fitting for that identity. Later they may check out other boards or seek other types of advice or support and the screen name is what it is. Certainly in some cases a woman is so involved in being a mother that she neglects her H...but I doubt that is usually the reason for the betrayal. If a man wants his wife to be "stunningsexywoman" he can talk to her about it or try to help her feel like that....IMO its more often something lacking within the betrayer that has nothing to do with his wife.
I was a BS (years ago) and it wasn't because of lack of sex or attention at home from me.
You might think that was the case, but consider this. I have a middle aged friend, nice looking & good figure, but...she has been having a FWB thing with a guy for a while. When it started he had a live-in GF--who was about 20 yrs younger than he was. So who would have thought that a guy would cheat on the young GF for a woman his age? You'd think the opposite, right? So many times, cheating has nothing to do with appearance or even if the guy isn't getting sex at home. There are more complicated reasons.
I think I would have to agree that we tend to choose a name for our situation/priorities/what we are going through. I have had 3-4 accounts on here over MANY years. In my situation...I am not a mom and I am the M one. AP has a child with his ex-wife and has a live-in GF. We are all pretty close in age range. According to AP...he gets sex maybe once a month, she is always accusing him of an A (even when he wasn't having one)...wants kids and to get married to him. He on the other hand never wants to get married again and got a vasectomy because he doesn't want anymore kids. He says he wants to leave but he stays because of the stability for his child. So make of that what you will. On my end...I have many reasons for my A's. I tend to lack attention that I desire from my H. I love him but his focus tends to be on other things rather than me. I also have private issues that play a part into it too. Plus, the sex is AMAZING with AP. It is EXTREMELY hard to find someone you are so in sync with sexually and he is that one person that I have ever had that with. Connection is one thing but compatibility is another.
wow. You lurk on the Betrayed Spouses Support Board and this is all you come away with...taking potshots at their names?