Just to make it more complicated...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Just to make it more complicated...
11
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 5:15pm

I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. I haven't has sex with my H since May... so yes, it is my AP's. We decided about a month ago that this was it, we wanted to be together, and have started trying to make that happen without our SO's knowing why. This pretty much makes it impossible. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. This is not how I envisioned finding out for the first time that I'm pregnant. I looked forward to that day as something I would enjoy and celebrate, instead of feel like I'm more stuck than I've ever been before.

I'm still married. My AP is still married. Neither one of us has told our SO's explicately that we are leaving, we have been taking a slower approach. I know, not good, but it's so hard. We work together. I am not going to be able to hide a pregnancy. I think I'm going to lose my mind. AP guessed it yesterday too. I think part of him sees it as a no brainer, like something that will just accelerate our lives together. It's just not what I wanted, not this way.

I literally don't know what to do... I'm so lost. I know I did this to myself, but... *sigh*

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2010
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 5:19pm

Take it one day at a time.. ((hugs))

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 8:24pm

Hi figuringitout,

This is harder than facing a D-Day, I am sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 9:26pm

Wow! Yeah, that will be sort of a difficult thing to hide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 4:30am

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 6:54am

I agree with everyone, and actually, bestplayer put it the most simply.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2010
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 9:24am

I feel for you. I had a pg scare and I have children with my H..this is what I toild myself:
There are worse things that can happen and it is definitely meant to be.
Simplistic? Perhaps but thuis is life. People fall in love, it happens.
It will be hard, buyt be strong and don't stress, take care of you.
Congratulations
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2010
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 10:17am

My worst fear! However, first off CONGRATS. There is no other joy greater in life than motherhood, for me at least and that baby can have a wonderful life regardless of how it was conceived, with who, etc.. Everyone else is right, you will have to clearly tell H about the A but if it was me, I would hold off on the pregnant part as long as I could. For me with both my sons, I got big and fast. Most people dont show until at least 3 mths. At 8 weeks, I already looked easily 4 mths preg. Maybe cause I was slim then, I dont know but I couldnt hide it long. In the end, it will all be okay and hopefully the master plan is for you and AP to be together. Would this be AP's first child also? Thats heavy duty stuff that will bond you forever regardless of what happens. My AP does not have kids. He wants kids BAD. His W said no..I have 2 boys. I am not done having kids, I want one more. I am also in the process of leaving my M but not per say for AP. I can strongly say though, AP would make a great father. Its something I won't lie and say I haven't thought about. Hang in there, take care of yourself. If when you tell H about it, things become very stressful, find somewhere to go, AP should stand behind you, stress is bad! Keep us updated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 2:46pm

I'm a guy and a medical non-expert, but I believe it's better to "put it out", sooner rather than later for the safety of the baby. Your H would not ask for an abortion, and no decent H would want to raise her wife's AP child, so it would make things easier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 4:10pm
I don't understand why you would wish for this latest development to remain a secret. Are you fearful that your AP really isn't going to leave his wife? If you think your "SO" will be more understanding by keeping this little secret from him, I'm afraid you are in for a let down. Of course, if there's some smidgen of a chance that your H is the father, and you do end up splitting, then you will be able to milk more out of him once the divorce is complete.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Tue, 11-23-2010 - 12:34pm

So with the stress of the news, the discussions with my AP, and moving to end the marriage with my H, all in the last week, I think I've made myself really sick. Going to the dr tomorrow but am really worried about the health of this pregnancy.

Will keep you all updated. Not telling H about the baby. Just telling him I want out. He's not taking it so well, really angry with me. No fun at all.

Don't have a lot to add... literally beyond exhausted right now. Hope you are all well!

To answer some other questions - no kids for either of us, this is my first pregnancy, the baby is without a doubt my AP's.

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