Just need some perking up...

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Just need some perking up...
3
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 8:28am
Just feel very sad. I know that i am doing my best to understand his situation there in NL, but now its ending 4 days of no contact. I caved and sent him two text messages today. Feel so f'ing stupid!!!! Can't believe that this mother thing is so dibilitating. I just can't. It was there to begin with. From the night we met, it was clear she was sick, but really i have been trying to get through to him from the 3rd week, when we went a weekend without talking.. now i just feel so desparate.. feel so needy, and want to call him. Its expensive and I know beneath me, i already phoned last week, and thats when he first said about his mom dying and not being able to build us up very easily.

But honestly if i were to treat him like a 'girlfriend' I would have called her butt last friday, saying, girl, whats up, you know i can't help if you shut me out. whats going on there´. so far away from me, dear friend.. so with him, i just said i had a nice weekend, and hoped he was okay cause i worry about him.. but nothing. I just want to give this up.. i feel so sad and empty, reading his old messages all the time.. wondering how he could be so sweet to me for those weeks then disappear.

i just want to scream and cry and call him.. just want to hear him.. but then have the feeling he will let it go to voice mail, and see that its desperate me calling again.. i dunno what to do.. help---

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 12:51pm
mikkolover - DO NOT CALL HIM!!! take a walk, go see a movie, clean the house, anything to distract yourself, but DO NOT CONTACT HIM. i'm sorry you're so upset but you must realize that he's withdrawing from you. you've already sent him 2 text messages that he hasn't bothered to answer. give the man some space to deal with his issues.

if his mother is really dying, the last thing he wants or needs is a crying, needy, desperate woman to contact him. when my mother was dying, i could hardly deal with anything but her care, her doctors, her last instructions, etc. what little energy i had left over went to take care of my children and going to work. my BF of less than 6 months was hardly thought of, although he was supportive and listened to me when i had 5 seconds to call him. i cannot imagine what i would have done if my MM was in the picture at that time. there would definitely have been no contact at all -- just not enough of me to go around that far. so if your MM is in that situation, i can completely understand why you are feeling the way you are. but you have to understand that he has more important (and desperate) things to deal with than being with you right now. and he's not one of your girlfriends -- totally different in the ways we deal with our man and our girlfriends, so don't go there.

my only advice is to not contact him again -- you've done that and he knows you're out there. he'll get back to you when he can. in the meantime, you must take care of yourself and do what you must to not be laying around thinking about him every minute of the day. take a deep breath and move on with your life. contact those girlfriends and go out and have fun.

good luck,

gurl

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 1:10pm
thanks for your input, i really appreciate it, dumb me i phoned, left a message, just said it was me and to get back to me a.s.a.p. even if my H was home. Probably too much, and not to sound like a negative nelly, i did a lot of crying, a lot of reading of all his 'old' emails and know that this is it for me. If he ever decides to contact me again, i can't be there. I just don't have the strength. It has consumed me, and has made me loose my mind, my closeness to my M and friends, and the payback was only okay the first few weeks. I have been delusional the entire time. I feel cheap, used, and ignored and want out, regardless if he knows about it. I have done my darndest to contact him, and mom or no mom, i can't see how 30 seconds of a reply would kill him to make this thing work.. thank to you all again for listening..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 1:26pm
hey, i'm glad i could be there for you. an EMA/A is NOT supposed to be this hard, it's supposed to be fun! when it is hard or dramatic or making you feel badly, something is telling you to let it go. i don't remember alot of your previous posts, but please try to move your mind past this A. don't feel cheap or used, it was an experience in your life. good or bad, it still is just that, an experience. fix your M, spend more time with your H, whatever makes you feel good about yourself and your future.

i think he wants to end the A and that's why he's not contacting you, even for "30 seconds" and also why he using his mother as an excuse. it just sounds fishy, you know? men are infamous for not communicating their feelings and running away from situations they DON'T want to handle. don't let it keep you down. you cannot control anyone but yourself. so take control of your life and live it, that way you want to!

lean on us (and me) anytime. we're here for support after all!

gurl