I dont have anything constructive to say but i feel your pain and know you arent alone. Hold on to your sanity the best you can. Hang around here like i do and read the other posts that are so much more painful than anything i have experienced. Makes me put things in perspective and realize that i am not doing too bad most days. Big hugs.
Wow...your post sure hits home with me, too. I can relate to pretty much everything you wrote. I too, wish i had met my ap years ago...i wish for a lot of things, but wake up to the reality that we are not like that, and altho i can call him, i choose not to. I was however, supposed to meet him last weekend, and chose not to do that, either. I kind of blew him off. I was tired and went to bed. But then yesterday i felt like i had blown him off, (and feeling kinda guilty about it) and i had hoped he wasn't home that evening waiting to hear from me. I doubt he was. I certainly wasn't waiting around to call him, esp with my H home. With kids and things to do, i just didn't see being able to meet up with him that nite. Not without looking suspicious to H. I coulda lied and said i went to a friends, but being tired and not in a very good mood is not the way i want AP to see me nor I, him. So we'll just hafta wait til this weekend. If we are lucky enough to see each other then.
Omg, lovely, some days I think the exact same things and I ask myself