Just a teaser?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Just a teaser?
15
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 9:25pm
Anyone who has read my "I am a fool" posts knows most of the story... my MM and I are still emailing alot; he showed up at where I was tonight (because I told him I would be there). He knew a ton of people so we had to really keep it light. I did walk over to his car and we chatted for a bit. Here's my question: In public where there are people, he seems to take chances (like to tell me he wants to squeeze/grab me). However, the few oppty's we have where a grab or squeeze could be gotten away with- he does not attempt anything. Is he all tease? talk?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 7:48am
Ok vles...I've been reading your messages. Here is my story. My OM is single, and I am M. Well when we first started having lunch together, we knew there was an attraction. Slowly it built...and he would try, and I would pull back. We didn't even kiss until we had been "talking" for over a year. In emails, I would tell him about how much I wanted him, but when I saw him, I couldn't bring myself to do it. That didn't mean I didn't want him. I was just working through taking it to the next level.

I think that's what your MM is doing. He feels safe talking, but physically, he's scared to death. If he is like me then, obviously, he'll come around. But it will be slow. It will get to the point where his curiosity will get the best of him. Now keep in mind that OM and I didn't become physically intimate for nearly two years after this started. Two years, this single attractive man waited for me. If you aren't willing to be patient with him, then he's probably not someone you want to have an A with. But if you want to enjoy the banter and the playfullness, I know if he's a red blooded man, he'll come around, it will just take a while.

I sure he wants you so bad vles, that he doesn't know what to do with himself. But he's dealing with guilt, and fear of maybe getting caught. You may feel that he's just teasing you, but I can almost assure you that he doesn't mean to. He's just getting cold feet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 9:01am
vles: I agree totally with Badkitty's post...it was right on the mark. It looks like a gradual process and the intrigue must be intense. It sounds like you and MM are climbing a mountain step by step. The air is thin up there so be sure to keep your mind clear. Wow, there is no better adventure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 11:28am
Oh B- thank you for the response. I admire you (and him!) for keeping this going for this long. I am in a sense getting very 'pent up' one might say. I love the email banter we have but when does one (being me) know when cold feet will end and we follow through with this; OR, that he will always have cold feet and nothing will come of it. I'm not embarrassed to say that I am scared to ask him. I would rather have the 'talk' than nothing. I have that at home. I just get a little tired at times of this and want the deed to happen of course. But again I wonder if he is all talk in the emails and nothing more. He did tell me yesterday that he would be willing to take a vacation day to go hiking with me. We'll see if that ever happens. I'm not looking for him to leave the W, nor me to leave H. I just want us to be FWB. I need to heed what you're telling me- it will take time. I hope I can stand it. I truly 'want' this man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 1:57pm
Oh boy vles - do I know where you're coming from! MM and I spend tons of time emailing and often they get hot and heavy, but when we're together, things can be very different. I think that people tend to feel things out via email. A couple of weeks back we had plans to meet on a Friday and he was crystal clear that this was not a business meeting - we spent that whole week emailing. 5 days of hot foreplay!! Friday came and while I was more than ready to hike it up a notch, he was nervous and pulled back. I know that he struggles with the feelings we have for each other. Neither is interested in changing our lives or our marriages, we're just having fun.

As you said, "I WANT this man!" and sometimes it makes me absolutely crazy. Just his hand on my shoulder sends shivers down my spine. I hope we make it to FWB, but in the meantime, we just keep riding the roller coaster.

I have found that if the alternative is not to be involved with him at all, I'll keep things the way they are.

If you come up with tactics to "take your time" - let me know and I'll do the same!! Keep your chin up girl!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 2:05pm
I am positive the cold feet will eventually go away. It did for me. My experience was different because my H used to be in a pastoral role. So the only reason we didn't consummate sooner was because of me sitting through church every Sunday and teaching Sunday School, you know.

But like I said, eventually curiosity took over. I mean I couldn't do anything w/o thinking of OM or what we talked about. The faster things move, the faster the cold feet will disappear. I remember one post where you went to lunch and he put his arm around you. Girl, that is just the beginning. Every time you meet alone he will get bolder. Because it sounds as if the air between you two is just electric. But I can tell that it will be one step at a time.

For his sake, don't rush him. The next time you meet, he may want to sit in your car with you and hold hands and talk. And once he realizes, "hey, I didn't get caught doing that, I bet I could have kissed her..." It'll just gradually be more and more.

OM and I went to lunch a lot, and well, we still do. And the more time we were alone together and my nerves started calming down, the more things progressed. Now we're animals...LOL It'll happen, I just want to encourage you to again plan another lunch with him...or something to spend time with him alone, and I think you'll see what I mean.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 2:38pm
BK- I think I screwed up today with MM. I asked him if I made him nervous when we had lunch together. His reply was did he look nervous? I said 'yes- at times' and then proceeded to tell him that I was sorry if I made him feel that way. Also told him that he is very sweet and my intention is to make him feel relaxed and natural around me. Will he start to think I am blowing/ending whatever this "thing" is ? There has been no response and I feel very sad and melancholy. I still want him more so now than in the beginning. I have become emotionally attached to him- crap. It started out where I just wanted the physical aspect.



Again, did I blow this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 2:51pm
Bk- You're awesome. I feel so much better when read your responses. As I said in my last post to you- I feel so sad and blue. The intensity gets so much some days that days like today are a let down. So what did I do? I sent him this very sensual email and he responded positively (of course- he's a man with two heads- what would I expect!)

Anyhow- he mentioned yesterday in an email that he may take a vacation day with me. We'll see if that happens. Maybe things are still the same and I am the one who is thinking too much. I saw him last nite at hockey arena, will see him again tonight at same place (although my H and kids will be there so will his kids). Will also see him tomorrow night at our kids hockey game and then again all spring for that league. But come mid- May; the ONLY way our paths will cross is if we plan something secretive. I hope, I hope, I hope....

You're the best- love ya!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 3:44pm
Vles, I don't think you ruined anything with him. But just play it cool. Now, keep emailing, definitely, and you need to set something up again soon. A lunch or anything where you can be alone for a little while. Meeting at a game is nice and really gets the heart going, but alone is when he'll begin to move forward. Also when you're alone is when he feels uncomfortable, not because he's uncomfortable with you...I'm sure if he was guaranteed to not get caught he'd be all over it by now...LOL The more you see each other, the more forward he'll become. And as for the vacation day hiking, well that seems like the perfect opportunity for a roll in the woods...LOL!!

BTW, I have the same problem. I think WAY too much. Men just aren't that way. Just keep building his ego, and he'll come around. Have fun flirting tonight, and keep updating!! ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
In reply to: vles64
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 3:47pm
"BTW, I have the same problem. I think WAY too much. Men just aren't that way. Just keep building his ego, and he'll come around. Have fun flirting tonight, and keep updating!! ;) "

Some of us do! I, for one, overthink everything at times. :) But I agree, the best way to move forward with this man is to get him past his fears. That is, of course, assuming he wants to get past them. It sounds like he does. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: vles64
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 10:06am
Any suggestions on how to get him past these fears? Get him to a certain comfort level? And how 'cool' do I play it with him? I don't want to distance myself too much. Yet I don not want to come through as a'needy' person or psycho woman that scares him away!

You also say he wants to overcome his fears? How can you tell that?

Help!

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