Just as things were starting to get good
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| Mon, 11-03-2008 - 4:13pm |
Hello again! I have been reading everyone's posts with interest over these last few months, as my EA has morphed into a PA. I posted here a while back asking for advice about beginning an affair with a co-worker (I am M, he is E, neither of us have children). Of course you wise folks advised against it if at all possible, but of course I followed my heart and not my head and here I am, riding the A rollercoaster.
After months of flirting at work and long talks in the parking lot after our flights, our affair began in earnest in September (our first date was 9/11...very ironic as we are both in the airline industry....he is a pilot and I'm a flight attendant). Of course we started slowly, exchanging messages on MySpace and IM everyday and meeting in person for lunch once every week or so. We are both very conservative so we moved very slowly. My H discovered our affair at the beginning of October. AP urged my not to leave my H for him, he told me that he considered leaving his F for me, but that we each have to make decisions on our current relationships independent of our affair. I know AP felt terrible about possibly breaking up a 10 year marriage (he said he felt like a heel) and I agreed to stay and work on my M.
Of course, AP and I continued to talk (we spend 3-4 hours a day on IM during the week) and meet. Last Thursday, after much talking and fantasizing, we finally consummated our R. Of course, that was the day he almost got caught! He was supposed to be at Lowe's buying stuff for the roof, instead he was with me and she wondered why he was gone for so long. To add insult to injury, her mom is in town visiting at least through today. He said things are tense at home and he's been busy with "company and suspicion" so we haven't been in contact as frequently over the past couple of days.
I'm missing him something awful right now. I feel so lonely and confused. I know he's trying to lay low for a while, but I can't help but miss him. His F works for a political candidate, so after tomorrow she will be unemployed, which means we won't be able to see each other as often. That's another thing that's got me down...just as things were heating up between us, they suddenly come to a halt. I asked him if I was just a diversion for him during political season, and he assured me that although our opportunities will be lessened, the feelings behind them are still there. That's the toughest part...there are feelings on both of our parts. he told me of we were single we'd be seriously dating


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The periods of NC or LC are part of being in an A. All I can say is either you get used to them, accept them or get out while you can. My AP does NC for two to three days very frequently. I used to get upset and paranoid about it, now I know it is what he does. He's taken a lot of risks in the last few months to make more, but that nearly resulted in him getting caught, so I have been the one to urge him to take more care and contact me less if that is what we must do to stay together (that sounds so screwed up, but that is an A). I guess it comes down to trust.
Pisces
Edited 11/23/2008 8:42 pm ET by pisces2008
From my own experience, in the beginning of the A, I found it very difficult and didn't handle the periods of LC or NC very well at all.
Thanks for your replies, they've helped keep things in perspective for me. Our A is still relatively new, but we've had contact everyday (we still do, but to a lesser extent) and I guess I've gotten spoiled. I suppose I'm just feeling insecure right now. I want to know that he still cares for me and he won't forget about me if we have to go LC for a while.
Neither if us is very good at talking about our feelings (we both deflect and make jokes about things) but I did ask him the last time we were together if his feelings were still the same even if our opportunities to be together
Conflicted,
How do you feel about your A now? Have things gotten better as time has passed?
As I said, I still have my ups and downs like most all of us do in an A.
I think what you said sounds great.
Well, he wrote back last night and it was bittersweet to me. Of course, everything he said was 100% correct. Basically he said that we have to be very careful because we're dealing with real emotions, and not to let ourselves get too carried away during the more intense times (I'd say the first time making love qualifies as intense, wouldn't you?!). He told me he likes me a lot and thinks of me often and that he
we cannot compartmentalize...we are women..lol..i tried to and it blew up after 8 mos of trying to do it...my xap and i are embarking on a year...well how can we be embarking on a year if he's the xap? because we still talk and go to lunch and see one another as we did...just no ic and i told him today he gotta take me off layaway with that..think that's my punishment..he knows i'm a derned freak when it comes to ic...just joking...anyhow...sweety---sigh..you are a woman..you won't be able to compartmentalize as he does..we often mix emotions together and then let them rule how we react..it has to do with hormones, gender blah blah blah..we take longer learning to put them in a safe place when we need to...
ahhh it'll be okay..just learn from the board...there are some very wise ones on the board here...
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
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