Just as things were starting to get good
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| Mon, 11-03-2008 - 4:13pm |
Hello again! I have been reading everyone's posts with interest over these last few months, as my EA has morphed into a PA. I posted here a while back asking for advice about beginning an affair with a co-worker (I am M, he is E, neither of us have children). Of course you wise folks advised against it if at all possible, but of course I followed my heart and not my head and here I am, riding the A rollercoaster.
After months of flirting at work and long talks in the parking lot after our flights, our affair began in earnest in September (our first date was 9/11...very ironic as we are both in the airline industry....he is a pilot and I'm a flight attendant). Of course we started slowly, exchanging messages on MySpace and IM everyday and meeting in person for lunch once every week or so. We are both very conservative so we moved very slowly. My H discovered our affair at the beginning of October. AP urged my not to leave my H for him, he told me that he considered leaving his F for me, but that we each have to make decisions on our current relationships independent of our affair. I know AP felt terrible about possibly breaking up a 10 year marriage (he said he felt like a heel) and I agreed to stay and work on my M.
Of course, AP and I continued to talk (we spend 3-4 hours a day on IM during the week) and meet. Last Thursday, after much talking and fantasizing, we finally consummated our R. Of course, that was the day he almost got caught! He was supposed to be at Lowe's buying stuff for the roof, instead he was with me and she wondered why he was gone for so long. To add insult to injury, her mom is in town visiting at least through today. He said things are tense at home and he's been busy with "company and suspicion" so we haven't been in contact as frequently over the past couple of days.
I'm missing him something awful right now. I feel so lonely and confused. I know he's trying to lay low for a while, but I can't help but miss him. His F works for a political candidate, so after tomorrow she will be unemployed, which means we won't be able to see each other as often. That's another thing that's got me down...just as things were heating up between us, they suddenly come to a halt. I asked him if I was just a diversion for him during political season, and he assured me that although our opportunities will be lessened, the feelings behind them are still there. That's the toughest part...there are feelings on both of our parts. he told me of we were single we'd be seriously dating


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Thanks tyger and conflicted (sorry I got your name wrong last time!). He told me not to get too carried away during the more intense times, and I guess he's right. Unfortunately, things have been slow in my life right now so I've had lots of time to ponder the possibilities of our A. This is my first A, so I suppose I'm not used to an relationship that has no future, per se. I am used to the dating -> engagement -> marriage progression of a traditional R, so this is very difficult for me.
"He told me to relax and have fun with it, that we will continue to have good times together, but not to let our A permeate my life to the detriment of everything else. I know logically that I won't leave my H for him and he won't leave his F, but it's so hard. I am so jealous of her! How do you handle the feelings of jealousy? "
and to that above---chile please you never know what will happen
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
another tiger huh? funny right..
my story..ap and i met at work...he's "M" i'm not i'm young and single with a 16 y/o son (one kid that's it for me)..and yes i'm very young...so the math..anyhow..we started out as friends..always had a great time together and in one another's company..as friends he started to hang out with me and my friends and it progressed to him meeting my family and my son.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
You are in a full blown emotional affair!! and that too in the 'danger zone'.Run if you can now.
The only thing that has changed between you two is not having sex anymore.lack of it doesnt make you 'friends'.Friends dont want to ' grab and kiss all over', they dont love the way you two profess to.
You say you are very young, then how about finding a man who would want to be with you? from what you say,he doesnt want to leave his W.would it be acceptable for you to remain in an A forever?
Sorry, but your son knows it, his family knows it as well.i wouldnt be surprised if some friends also know it.what made you bring it out in the open?
P.S. Committment love is empty.its more of living for the heck of life.
Oh tyger, you took the words right out of my AP's mouth..."It is what it is." That's what he tells me when I'm struggling with my emotions. He's so darn logical and practical, and I'm so emotional and capricious, so I'm sure he's not going through the same struggles I'm facing, or at least not as intensely.
I know he's conflicted with his feelings too. He warned me that he might not be able to "go all the way" physically once the opportunity arose, but he did. He is able to be cool and rational when he writes messages or IM's, but when we're together emotions (and hormones) take over. We've only been intimate once and he assured me there's more to come, but I'm like a kid with a new bike on Christmas morning...I wanna ride it again and again, LOL!!
And dang girl....100 texts per day....I bet your cell phone company loves you! At least you and your xap have remained on good terms. It's great that you two are able to continue to have a R. My AP said that's why we could back things off if it's getting to be too difficult
"He's so darn logical and practical, and I'm so emotional and capricious, so I'm sure he's not going through the same struggles I'm facing, or at least not as intensely."
i laugh at that honey, do you really think that's what it is...lol okay you'll learn...i don't think so...men feel, think and love as hard and as emotionally as we..they just deal better with their own reactions from their own emotions...that's all..it's part of their masculine make up...lol...not laughing at you but at the lessons you'll learn through this..i've learned some pretty heavy ones and also learned that my XAP..has feelings and those darts i throw don't bounce off of him as i once thought..the bigger the dart the more penetrable they are...i've hurt him and from that i hurt badly...it's okay though..we've formed a beautiful friendship and love one another deeply..
you are a woman..you should be riddled with emotion....the more he falls in love and learns to love the more he'll spend time with you...in these unique situations people do things because they WANT to..not because they are obligated to do anything...my XAP is not obligated to me and/or my son, he has no committment to us or any strings..he does things still because he wants to...i love him for wanting me like he does and love him for wanting to do the things that he does do...
as far as my cell company..i have unlimited text and calls...
also you cannot set anything in stone with an "A", you can try to set precidents but i found out the hard way they are almost always broken....things happen, you may fall deeper, he may fall deeper, you may find that you don't like him after that initial wow of things wears off..you may find you like him more...don't know..each "a" is unique in it's own right.....IT IS WHAT IT IS..and IT WILL BE a rollercoaster ride..so strap your belt tight and hold on for dear life...some of us make it off the ride while some of us stay on forever....i hope this makes you feel better..it will be okay..
((HUGS)))
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Thanks Tyger!! You're a godsend. I agree, we are still in the wow stage of the A, it's shiny and new. That's why he's urging us to take things as they come, wait and see where this crazy road leads us. While his F was working the campaign, we had lots of time to spend together and I guess I got spoiled IMing everyday for 3-4 hours and seeing each other at least once or twice a week. Now she's unemployed (and he's on vacation in Rome!) so I guess I'm just going through withdrawals right now. I'm like a junkie, I need my fix!
You're right, this A is like
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
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