Just thinking out loud
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| Sun, 07-19-2009 - 1:37am |
Having been involved with AP for more than four years, I find myself thinking that it's unlikely we'll end up together, ever. The better I get to know him, the more I realize he isn't the type to take a risk on love. He is pragmatic, although he likes to imagine himself as a rebel.
I don't really know how I feel about this. There are reasons I think we wouldn't work (different beliefs, ways of life) and other reasons I think we could be amazing (same likes, compatible personalities).
Knowing that there isn't something we're working toward, I'm wondering why I'm risking something that IS for something that likely won't be. Is it worth it for what we get in the meantime? Is it the moments spent together that should be the be-all and end-all? Is it just an antiquated mentality to think

Hi Circe2005,
You are goal-oriented and that is a good
in some of the heated discussions between xap and i, or actually
the one sided conversations, where he was afraid to express
or just refused to express his thoughts, i let him know a few
things. as a sw, first off, he did not have my permission to
pull me into the situation on any level, i.e. the sexual side
and emotional side, if he did not know where he stood.
i cannot be intimate with someone on either level
without expecting the whole package, period. obviously,
i still think about the r, but i still feel the same way. if you
ain't in it for the whole package deal from the get go,
then don't invite me to the party.
for the m folks, as in mm and mw in an a, there is probably a
different comfort level involved.
if xap needs someone to talk to or flirt with or whatever,
then he needs to get that from his male buddies or w
or someone other than me, because i will feel
>I will likely leave my M in the next couple of years. I can't see myself involved with a married man if I'm single……………I've been mulling over ending it with AP at the five-year mark (about 8 months from now) so I can concentrate on getting ready for what I need to do in the next two years.
Circe2005<
Hi Circe,
I remember you from my "bad old days". I'm just thinking out loud here, too, but here are some of my thoughts.
I don't necessarily think relationships need to work toward anything in particular. If it works for you, you enjoy it, it's enough for you, why do you need a goal?
It sounds like you are not sure you want to be with this person even if he were free. In that case, why wait for the five year mark? Won't it be even harder? If your goal is to be with someone "out loud", why not take steps in that direction now? You say you will leave your M in a couple of years. Why not now?
I left my M almost a year and a half ago. I waited two years too long to do it.
hi Circe, I havnt posted in a while but reading your post i felt i had to respond. I have been in my A for two years. I am at present in the process of leaving my M.
"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"