just venting
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| Wed, 11-12-2003 - 6:43pm |
i've been married for 3 years, am 31, my H is 30. met my H in grad school, fell in love with his great sense of humor, smart, cute looks and generally great attitude to life. gave up a great job and moved 500 + miles to be with him in east coast US (igrdauted an year before him). However, his job keeps him at work 16-20 hours a day almost 7 days a week - if he's lucky he gets a day off here and there in a month if that. when he comes in from work, i'm fast asleep, cause i have to go to work the next day (i work full time as well) and when i wake up he's asleep since he usually leaves for work an hour after me. We live close to his work due to his work hours. after 3 years of enduring this i'm begining to forget all the things that i married him for and even wonder what's the point of him being a great guy if we really just share the same roof. to add more substance to my M, i told him of my need to start a family. he's very supportive but he can't find the time and when he does he hasn't had enuf sleep and he's stressed out. sex is not that great - it has never really been except for the few occassions far and few in between. we seem to be opposites in love with each other on a lot of things and lately there have been a lot of disagreements and fights on a range of issues including something stupid as whether we should go watch a particular movie or not. he doesn't want to hang out with my friends, finds every excuse to not work from home - even though i've done everything in my power to make it as comfortable for him as possible. i pick up the slack on all the housework and i mean all with no help from him. seems to me our only problem is not spending enuf time together - not sure what i can do about it though since i do love him (at least when i'm with him).
meanwhile, i've met this great guy at work - he's a couple of years older to me, smart, cute, great sense of humor and a less serious attitude to life than my H. i was almost instantly attracted to him and over the past two years, he's sent me several signals - letting me know that he's interested. i ignored or worse even discouraged his interest at times. we don't have a physical relationship but i know he's one of the nicest and most honest guys i've met in a very long time. he's on my mind constantly - whether i'm with him or at work or not - whether i'm in a crowd of people or by myself. in a lot of ways he's like me and understands me and i understand him as well. he's very comfortable to talk to and loves Seinfeld (which is very important to me in a guy!!!). But seriously, I've never been so much at ease with anyone - and have grown to care about him deeply. however, things have gotten a little wierd recently since he moved in with a new found GF of two months!! i indicated that my M was in serious trouble and his repsonse was - life gets better not worse as it goes and that i will figure out a way that works for me - either stay in the relationship and be happy or i will find a better one that works (like its easy to do) - we used to be flirty and friendly and slowly things may come back to normal if i work at it - they already seem to be, but i'm afraid i'm loosing him and the chance to spend my life with what seems to be a soulmate.
the family starting process is also hard on me - had to undergo some surgery recently and have some health problems which are making me more emotional and less rational. Some days i think, i should just ask my friend from work out to lunch and tell him how i do feel and then let things take their course - whatever they take. other days i feel like he probably already senses that but is reluctanct to do anything about it and let slepping dogs lie...
I don't know what the solution to my situation is but I somehow need to find a way to be in a happier place... Thanks for listening/reading.
