Just Venting

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2013
Just Venting
13
Thu, 04-24-2014 - 5:23pm

I met a man at work unexpectedly two and a half years ago. There was great chemistry between us and we were both very attracted to each other. I was single and he was married. I didn’t know he was married in the beginning. I found out after I gave him my phone number and he called me and we spoke on the phone for the first time. I chose to continue talking to him because I liked him so much and he felt the same way about me. I knew I would be entering an affair that would have to be kept secret, but I didn’t want to walk away even though I knew that would have been the noble thing to do. I felt confident no one would find out and so far no one has.

Our affair began...it’s an EA mostly. He is tied down to his family and work and because of this we got together in person four times outside of work in two and a half years. I don’t see him at work anymore because he left for another job soon after we met. We’ve had sex three times and each time was unfulfilling for me. It’s not really about sex. I am not in love with him because I have not spent much time with him in person to fall in love. I consider him a friend…one who I catch up with every so often. I am still attracted to him and still feel the desire to talk to him, be with him, and to just get to know him better as time goes on. It’s hard to really get to know him though when we can’t be together in person.

Eight months after I met MM…I ended up meeting a great, single man. Things started off slow between us, but six months after I met SM we began an exclusive relationship and we have been living together for almost seven months now. Things are really good and I am genuinely happy.  However, I think about MM a lot. I did tell MM a long time ago that I was feeling guilty for cheating on my boyfriend. Since then the contact between us has diminished, but it’s still there. The sad thing about this situation is that I do not want to end contact…even though I now have this amazing life with this amazing man. I do feel guilty at times, but only at times…

I have stopped doing certain things that I used to do with MM…like I won’t be the first to reach out to him anymore, I won’t insinuate anything anymore, and I won’t call him names like Sexy anymore.

I do miss him terribly. I miss the way we made each other feel. This is going back to two and a half years ago when things were exciting when we first met and we would see each other at work. I never got to know him the way I wanted to. We never had the chance. And even with a new man in my life now…my feelings haven’t changed.

I just have to bend my head over and plow through this. I hope this board will be with me along the way. I don’t know how long MM will be in my life, even if it’s a very little part of my life…which feels so much bigger.    

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2013
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 6:57am

Everyone involved in an affair knows they are taking a risk, but given the situation I am in...I want to be safe enough to hide the affair.

Even though I don't talk to AP often or see him, I look forward to it. It's something I look forward to. I like having him in my life.

I know he is not worth what I would lose if things went sour. I also know he feels the same way about me. Oh well! We are here anyway. It's the MAS board.

I talked to him on the phone. I explained my POV. Will he delete the emails? Probably not. But he won't reply to any old ones I sent him anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2014
Thu, 05-08-2014 - 3:03pm
Hi, If you want to put all your focus and energy into your BF you will have to let MM go. You are allowing him to rent space in your mind and giving him so much power. He was in your life for a reason and perhaps he has served his purpose. If you really want to give your BF 100% you may have to cut off all contact. Could that be a possibility for you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2013
Fri, 05-09-2014 - 1:39pm

I know you are right Chasing Mya. But I am on the MAS board and not the EAS board for a reason. I really don't want to let him go.

It's funny how you mention he was in my life for a reason. In my first post I mentioned when we met I was single. That wasn't entirely true. I was with my ex at the time, but I broke up with him shortly after meeting AP. It was an easy break...we weren't married, we weren't living together, etc. It was the right thing to do. It would have happened eventually, but it always seemed to me that AP acted as the catylist that made it happen sooner rather than later. And I really was grateful. But I didn't think AP would stick around for this long. I won't go into detail, but in the future AP's life situation with his work and family may change and it may be easier for us to really get to know each other. I think that's why I am keeping in touch with him? I mentioned before that I still have the desire to be with him and get to know him better. Sometimes I feel like I'm being just plain stupid about this whole thing, while other times I feel like I am right on track. I am an intuitive person and have always relied on my gut feeling. And I just don't want to end contact with him. I feel like THAT would actually be the stupid thing to do, believe it or not.   

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