Just venting...

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Just venting...
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 8:25pm
I need hugs!!

What is wrong with me anyway?? On days like this when I have alot of down time I get to thinking and I don't know if I can wait to see which side of the fence he falls on (mine or wifes, I'm single) and sometimes I think I can wait *forever* if I have to!!! Sometimes I think I want to date other people, sometimes I think I want to wait and see what happens with him. Sometimes I think there is NO WAY this can go on for too long. His wife knowing all about me, he and I talking more than her and him. Sometimes I think there is no way he'll leave all he has to come be with me. He wants me to wait til he sells his house. His youngest will be off to school. He wants to wait two years, Wife wants to sell next summer. He says, she is waiting for him to "come to his senses" about he and I. How long can she wait?? (How long can *I* wait?) How do you know it's over? How do you know when to hang in? He says he'll never leave me even if she puts him out? Would she ever? She seems willing to let the A happen to me. He gave me a wedding date, but says he is still unsure. Everything is "if's" and "maybe's". I can't keep going and I can't end it. I guess the third option is keep going ANYWAY! Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes I am the happiest woman alive, sometimes it all just "is" and it's not right or wrong it's just my life. And really if there is one thing I have learned it's that people can SAY anything!! You know that saying, people don't always mean what they say and say what they mean?? I am telling you that is *TRUE*. It doesn't matter what anyone said or promised, all that matters is what they do!! There are too many variables and possiblities for me to wrap my mind around. I, he, the wife, could change the course of this at any time, in favor of my ending up wiht him or not. I feel like I need some sign, some direction, some answer. Give it time? I think that's what i want to do, but how much??? And will I be pissed at myself for giving it time if it doesn't work out?

FENCE-SITTERS!! GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

So now I need to think of a resolution LOL. Sorry, thanks for letting me vent!!!!