just venting ( ex-ap that just won't go

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
just venting ( ex-ap that just won't go
17
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 10:59pm

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 3:38am

I don't know your story, but here is a sure fire way of getting rid of someone:


Change your phone number!


Don't Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever respond their calls, e-mail,s ANYTHING! Ignore Ignore Ingore!


It might take a while til it finally sinks in

Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 4:11am

I am happy to hear that you didnt meet up with him. He doesnt need proof of anything. That is strange that a guy wants proof that your NOT pregnant....usually they want proof that you ARE.


I agree with Whats


Change all your contact info. Do not respond! Now he will say he is coming over everytime he wants to get your attention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 7:58am
I agree with the other poster that this is a ploy to keep you on edge, him telling you he is coming over.. if you did respond to that,(and i hope you didn't) you should tell him you wont be home. or tell him you filed a protective order and if he is seen near your home he will be arrested. Or tell him you moved. And if you think he is going to come over, then maybe leave for the weekend, if you can. If he is still bothering you after all that, then i would consider his behavior harassment, and you have a legal reason to file an order of protection.
But really you should change all contact info and IGNORE him! If he is sending mail, then forward it to a PO box or tell the post office that his mail is harassing you.
He keeps pushing your buttons because you let him. When are you going to say, "Enough is enough?" Is he not being detrimental to your emotional/physical well being? He is an abusive control freak who targets victims for their lack of self-esteem and vulnerability. After you are out of the picture in his life, he will move on to someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2008
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 12:07pm

Why is he bothering you? Quite simply because you let him by following a pattern where he knows just what will illicit a response from you.


I used to visit here a few years ago and have been following most of your story as I lurked this time around. Your DH knows about your involvement with this man from when you were planning to divorce? If I'm right about that perhaps you have to tell DH you are still being contacted by this man, the nature of his messages and take away Ex AP's power to make threats about coming to see you.


If it escalates and you feel a Restraining Order is necessary for the safety of your family then your DH is undoubtably going to find out anyway - better to take a proactive stance now to remove all the power from your exAP.


Take it from one who has been through something similar including a RO (although I was single and AP was married) - he will not stop so long as eventually he can manipulate you into a response; in my case exAP faked a suicide attempt to get a reaction from me which badly backfired when I called the police instead of rushing to his side as he had hoped (BW notwithstanding, he was just that crazed).


You have to stand up to exAP, take away his power and refuse to engage him no matter what he threatens.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 8:39pm

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 3:36am

"He

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 9:35am
If you are emotionally vulnerable at the moment,dont meet your exAP.Even if you dont want to,you will end up back in his arms,i promise.
Do you really believe this guy will ever let you go?? and if so how ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 7:28pm

Ask yourself if you ever feel addicted to the drama.


Drama=Attention. Attention is a drug for our egos.


One truly knows they are 'done' with someone when their desire to NOT have communication with someone. Truly. Unequivocally.


Hopefully you are done with this and quit giving YOURSELF (let alone him) avenues to communicate with you.


If he truly said he needed proof that you are NOT pregnant, you are the sucker buying into the ridiculousness he is selling. Nothing has changed has it, both still being to blame for being in the situation.


Get yourself into a blameless situation by no longer being a participant.


Strength, clarity and wisdom wishes,


Lizzie


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 7:39pm

What if you were pregnant?

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
Sun, 12-06-2009 - 4:28am
I understand...this guy scares me.

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