kind of spent my birthday with him

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
kind of spent my birthday with him
11
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 9:04am

he text me Happy Birthday, and I text him back, thanks...then we somehow ended up on the phone from about 10am until 10:45pm, but it was on and off all day ..but, for hours at a time...We decided to meet this week and exchange V-tines Day gifts...We talked for 527 minutes the day after my bday and Monday text all day...We are not back together and have still agreed that we have to do what's right for the both of us..we still contend that...But we still both love each other very much and are still very much in love with one another...We had no connection before we got together like lovers, didn't know one another from the past nothing..and we know that this is on US..we did it to ourselves...I know when meet I will probably CRY my eyes out and get weak...but I do want to see him of course and I am going to....of course he and my DS are still good with one another...same ole same ole with them as if nothing has even changed between me and XAP/friend/BF/whatever you wanna call him/XAP again...i never knew that once you get on the rollercoaster jump off, there's an urge to get back on...


what did OBXBELL tell me..I WAS ADDICTED and I denied denied denied..well OBXBELL you were right...sorry I apologize for arguing you down..but you were right...we are NOT getting back together..but we are still very addicted to one another....

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 9:49am

WOW! Almost 12 hours of talking on the phone. I thought AP and I were bad, we once talked 6 hours straight when he was driving to a job! You have us beat.

I'm sorry for the roller coaster ride, I hope when you meet that you have a nice conversation. I'm glad he is still a part of your son's life. Keep us posted.

Oh and Happy Birthday!




Edited 2/17/2009 9:57 am ET by star807
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 9:58am

Well, I don't like being right sometimes :(


I'm so sorry for all your pain tygerzize, but you are really in touch with reality and see everything for what it is - and I'm proud of you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 10:05am
obx..he asked if i would be able to handle it..i said "look i'm gonna cry my eyes out, so if you want to see me as well deal with it and i will deal with it as well, it just is" he said he feels the need to protect my feelings...i appreciate that....XAP/friend or whatever is really a good person and has SET THE BAR for how i should be treated by someone..i will never go back on what i say about how good he is to me..the things he does, how he loves me and what type of man he is...but it's like "gee thanks for setting the bar, how did we get ourselves into this mess" but I will deal with it....he's a part of my life and that's the hardest...he will never NOT be a part of my life....I will just incorporate the break up into my life..as far as back down a-road...well..i think any connection between the two of us since it's so very emotional will be an A....I'm never going to be able to shake that...i think the sting is going to be less....the feelings are still the same and won't waver but the sting will be way less...I HOPE...

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 10:06am
It was very very strange but it felt so dang nabbit good...to laugh, cry, catch up...exchange ILY's...

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 10:42am
(((HUGS))) and I hope you had a good birthday anyway.


_________________________________________________


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 11:32am
oh i felt great while we were talking and afterwards...i talked to him while i was relaxing...and while i was getting ready to go out..up until i was in the club sitting at the bar with my cousin...i originally didn't have any plans...but she came through like a TROOPER..to make sure i wasn't home..mulling over it...but she didn't know i was on the phone and texting him on and off for hours all day ..noone knew...lol...it was the best bday...and last year was OK too...normally i have horrible bday/vtines days...noone to share it with..etc...last year..he and i were in a tiff but i got flowers, then flowers at work all week, everyday...

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 11:52am

Oh sweetie -


SIGH - ;)

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 12:01pm

i'm worried about me meeting up with him too, very worried and i sigh too..but i want to see him..i know sounds crazy when you are trying to get through something...and yeah..we all probably would do the same thing...it's very hard because it's been hell for the last month and a week....i was just dealing with it...is all...but all my same feelings for him are always there...i know i won't be intimate and we wont go there...probably just get something to eat and hang out with my DS...he wants to see my DS too...and my DS was saying 4 days ago how much he missed seeing him, and that he wishes that he was over and hanging out and laughing with us..it was very hard to hear because my DS doesn't know as much as i thought he did...he doesn't know that he and i were no longer...he just thought we were going through a rough patch and apparantly thats how XAP/friend put it to him...UGH...i don't know if thats what XAP/friend was thinking....XAP did express that he wants to protect my feelings and how we need to do what's best for me and i have every right to feel like i deserve more, but he said he's suffering the same as me and i think that it's easy for him to go back to what he already has in place..but he was open in saying that it IS NOT easy at all..just as bad for him as it is for me....if that's how he feels....but, i always think it's easier for the M one ya know...just my opinion...everyone is different....


TGR we both really are just trying to get through this the best way we can and do what's best for one another...he said he's been so worried about me and if i was okay...i told him i will be fine with this...i will just have to deal with it....


we'll see though..you know i've been having an extremely rough time with it, mostly not saying anything holding a lot in and sticking to my guns....


my friends think it's admirable that i love him so much i would never make a DDay in place for him...i told them awww heck naw..i would never hurt anyone like i've been hurt..if she finds out she has to do it on her own or he has to fess up...but she'd never hear from me or know about me as far as i know or am concerned....


i will be posting an update because i definately need support in this

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 7:52pm

ok so say you and "x"ap (sorry but he isn't if you are exchanging ILYs)...end up seeing each other but you say you won't be sleeping with each other and that he will always be a part of your life...say that really does happen...it not going back to an intimate relationship and you finally get something really good going on your own with someone else who is great and ends up meeting your kid (later) and they get along great and you are happy with that someone....how does this "x"ap fit in your life if he will always be a part of it?


I think that if you don't start making that separation soon you are going to prolong your

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 8:41am

I completely understand what you are saying and getting at...and i appreciate your honesty and openness and i can gage that what you have said is in love and out of concern and knowledge and maybe experience or exposure..and you are very right...i'm trying to bring some sort of peace and understanding to this whole thing..but unless someone has walked exactly in my shoes with Xap they wouldn't be able to understand the dynamic of his and my relationship....it is very delicate, difficult and hard to explain as i'm sure all A's are...and why they go on...some A's are just about one thing or the other....and i cannot begin to explain how i feel about him or what has went on for the past year and 3 months..because although some of it may be "cookie cutter" all of it isn't....


your words ring loud and clear and TRUE in my mind...and for that i thank you...

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

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