Lack of attraction for spouse
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Lack of attraction for spouse
| Wed, 02-10-2010 - 4:05pm |
This is one of those things that I'm embarassed to admit, and I've never told anyone I feel this way. In my
| Wed, 02-10-2010 - 4:05pm |
This is one of those things that I'm embarassed to admit, and I've never told anyone I feel this way. In my
Not really quidance, but I can relate to your situation.
Hi secretmessenger,
Your story somewhat resonates with me in that i am also not physically attracted to H. Well i was long ago but it was very shortlived. Even then, i wasn't physically attracted but rather i was emotionally attracted, which was phyiscally exciting, too.
You mentioned that you are in your prime now and are wanting sex often. If you don't mind, what age range are you in? I am 27 and i am trying to figure out which way my hormones are headed from here..
Thank you,
Sunshine
.
Sunshine
.
I can really relate to your story. In my early 20's I was in a relationship that was pretty bad, but there was a lot of physical attraction. I got out of it because it was just not going anywhere.
I then started dating my now H and well I have never been physically attracted to him either. I wavered alot in the beginning on what I should do, my H is a great guy and a wonderful provider but I just didnt feel that passion. But I loved him and franlky at the time I was happy to not be begged for sex all the time. My guess is H has a low sex drive.
We have always had not much of a sex life. I was never on BC and never even had a pregnancy scare that's how little we had sex. I didn't get pregnant until my biological clock started to blare at me and we bumped up the game a little. Even that took a couple years.lol
So many years later and 2 children my sex drive has gone through the roof. I was never expecting my hormones or body to change to the point that I always want it. My husbands....the same actually a little worse now that he is older too. Now add the fact that I have no real physical attraction to H.
I guess that's how I fell (okay jumped) into this. My AP fulfills a physical part that I don't have with H. I would love to have both with H, emotional and physical.
I don't have much guidance other than I understand.
Someone asked what age did the change in hormones happen, It changed for me in my mid 30's.
I read your post and thought it was ME saying all that!
Early 20s I was dumped by a guy I was SO physically attracted to.
If you are just going through the motions of forcing your relationship to work for your husbands' sakes, it is a waste of time. I can assure you that he feels the same way that you do but hasn't said anything because he assumes that you aren't interested in a fulfilling sexual relationship and since women hold all the cards in so far as wether or not there will be ANY kind of sexual encounter there is little if anything he can do to change things.
Simply put, if you aren't happy, you need to address it with him and both of you move on to greener pastures. If you are just staying in the marriage for financial reasons, you are wasting TWO lives by pretending to be content.
Regarding the affairs, how can any of you be certain that you are doing something he isn't?
I guess you can add me to the list of women not attracted to their H.
I was also married to a man that was very "nice", treated me very well but I was not attracted to his looks or sexually, I thought being friends would be enough. A year ago I met my AP( also married) around the same time my H started making big mistakes( job Loss, DUI, wrecked his car,etc) Since we had NO connection, we had nothing to fall back on and I was leaning more and more on AP. I ended up leaving my H and still see my AP, but his is still married.
I did not leave my H for my AP, but he did make me realize that I need to be attracted to and have passion for whoever I do end up spending my life with. I know now that I will never settle for less again.
Good luck to you!