Last night..........
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Last night..........
| Wed, 09-17-2003 - 3:40pm |
Last night before I left for work, H and I got into a big fight and I told him that when we get things squared away, perhaps we should separate. We've talked about it before, so it's nothing new. Then I went to work, and one of the girls there threw a little party for MM because his W is having a baby soon. We work in a close knit section at our job, and few people know that we have a relationship. This is one of the ones that knows. During the shift, while cake was being served, and everyone was congratulating MM on the impending birth, I just sat at the desk eating feeling so jealous. Not of the attention he was getting , but the fact that I wish it were me who was pregnagnt not his W. Later he asked if everything was alright and the only thing that I could tell him was that I was fine and why shouldn't I be. I know that I shouldn't be jealous of what's going on, that it was going to happen one day, but I am. It bothers me a lot, considering I've been trying since last year to have a baby with him, and his W got pregnant. Get this, he told me they were only together once that month. She ended up coming home during her break, woke him up(we work ninghts), did the deed, and then went bavk to work. He knows she planned it, and he's told me such, and I know it takes two. I just can't help feeling the way I do. I feel like a very bad person.

I think that what you are feeling is not just the impact of MM's wife being pregnant... but also of the fact that you have been trying to fall pregnant and have not been able to do so. Trust me... this can affect a woman a lot.
I've been there and done that... TTC is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with... and I'm thankful that for me it's over and done with. It took 2 years, severel ops and a miscarriage to finally conceive my DS... the whole time I had friends, family and coworkers around me falling pregnant... and mostly by accident. Sure... I was happy for them... but at the same time I hated them... why them when I couldn't. Second time around... I knew what I was in for... and I wondered whether it was worth all the pain and heartache all over again... was I strong enough?
I can't really offer any words of wisdom on this one... just offer my support... it's something that only you will be able to get through.
hang in there and stay strong.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
I think how you are feeling is totally normal and to be expected for two reasons, #1, you love him , and #2 you are trying to have a baby as well.
I understand the jealousy and hurt of him & his w having their baby. My MM and his W just had their second baby and I wish so much that I had his baby. I can't get pregnant anymore (I had a tubal) but If I could I surely would. It drives me nuts that she has his children. And the worst part is , is that she doesn't enjoy it and isn't proud of it at all...
~Wishing~