LDA...we're getting together...help
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LDA...we're getting together...help
| Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:40pm |
Me and my MM are making plans to get together on our own time for a full day and/or overnight thing. Normally we saw eachother at work functions, but I have stopped traveling in my position. We live 5 hours apart. Even though he offered to come all the way to me, I have agreed to meet him halfway. I don't think it's a good idea to have him come all the way here.
What I am wondering is how I can do this without raising my BF's eyebrows. Any ideas for excuses? I'd like to avoid having someone lie for me. If we just met for a day to night thing (with no overnight), I can probably pull that off without saying much, but I have this overhwelming fear of having car problems and being stranded. I know that sounds like an odd thing to worry about....but my mind is racing and considering any possible problem that may arise.
Can anyone in a LDA offer up any advice??? It is greatly appreciated.

I'm sorry you haven't received the responses you were looking for on our board. I'm not in an LDA, so I don't have any really good ideas for you.
You should be aware that we had a couple of weeks of some really strange posters and I guess most of the regulars keep busy over the weekend. Hang around a little longer, though. It's a great group.
Good luck with your weekend.
Cazrida
First, if you're genuinely concerned about car problems, I'd have him come closer than halfway. Pick a city nearby that might be big enough to host some sort of conference, workshop or other sort of activity.
Second, it needs to be both realistic and boring to your BF. For example, when I chose to sneak away for a weekend and bring my OW here, I started a week before mentioning some workshop I wanted to go to about four hours away. I told my W that I was going to go, and when she asked about going with me, I just said she could but that the workshop was from 8 to 5 on a Saturday and told her it was about "X, subset Y" --- with X being something I have an interest in that she scarcely does, and Y being a particular facet of X that would bore her to tears to even think about. She said she might still go and shop or whatever, and I said whatever so she wouldn't get too curious.
As the time approached, I managed to find something better for her to do in addition to mentioning how I'd just found out that there was "hospitality" kind of mixer with the people from the seminar and how I wouldn't even have to leave the conference center. That was it for her. All day alone then me wanting to spend the evening with more people interested in the minutia of X... she was done.
I live off my cell phone anyway, so she could reach me there. Then I actually went only an hour away in the other direction.
Not exactly proud of being sneaky, but it has been a valuable skill so far. I agree with not getting anyone to lie -- the fewer people involved, the fewer potential problems.
rain
dd
Let me just tell you, if I caught her checking my mileage, I'd have sprung a lot earlier. Besides, we don't share vehicles.
As for easy to eyeball... well, I have a new car too, a shiny black sportscar, complete with big wing and "special edition" badging. In my town of about 30,000 it is unique -- there are definitely no others like it in this town. I love my car, but it feels like I'm putting a neon arrow out pointing to my whereabouts when I'm not where I'm supposed to be...
rain
Just recently I put my briefcase upside down in the backseat of my car to see if he would look through it. Sure enough last night he took my son to basketball practice and when I went to look this morning it was flipped over and one of the zippers weren't closed all the way. I did happen to have a couple of cd's in there that aren't the type of music I listen to that I believe he knows MM listens to. I bought them so I could hear the songs mm says reminds him of me. Now I have to put them out in plain view and explain that they are on loan.
I've done all I can to regain his trust ( nothing has been too incriminating) and I still have to deal with this. We couldn't survive if he found out!
dd
So as far as a LDA. I am right there with you. My now xMM lives over 1000 miles away. His W was more suspicious than my H, but I was always nervous. We would meet for 3-7 days at a time every few months. We both had "business" excursions that could explain some things. Often I would think up something I knew my H had no interest in and tell him he was welcome to come especially at a time when I knew there was something he really wanted to do.
I once told him I was meeting a friend in a different state- we both met up there. It was a little stressful since we could only be registered in 1 name...so I told H just to call my cell phone. You could register in your name.
I have told one friend about the A and she is very supportive. I am planning on saying we are getting together for a girls weekend someplace. He definitely does not want to come to that. Is there anyone that you could say is having a difficult time and that you are going to visit and stay near-by?
Hope it helps. Let us know what happens and how it goes.
tb
I am sorry I did not post earlier - I just did not see your topic until today. I have been in a LDEMA for 10 months and we live a few states apart, so to see each other, someone has to get on an airplane. However, we have been able to work things out to see each other once a month and have already made plans for June, July, August, and September.
My excuses are usually work-related: training, workshops, conferences, meetings. I have made myself a member of a fake committee in order to do some of this. I have also visited friends overnight that my husband knows but not close enough to call.
Do not involve other people - to me that is too risky. And, I just get my car checked out before I go and say little prayers while I drive that nothing will happen when I am 5 hours south of where I say I am going to be.
I have even gone so far as say I am flying to one location when I am really flying to another. Have not gotten caught with that one yet, and won't try that again. However, the weekend was well worth it.
Also, I have gotten in the habit of only talking to my husband by cell phone. That way he never tries to call where I am really supposed to be.
Hope this helps.