Leaving the Board -

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Leaving the Board -
32
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 1:05pm
I havent posted here for awhile and posted a couple of times on the EA board. I guess I was hoping/looking for some *friendships* online so I could talk out my feelings about the A and my OM and my M...but seems everyone wants to SOLVE the problem.

This is just my opinion - and my 2 cents worth - but I think most people coming to this board are looking for a hug, an ear and someone to talk openly about their A without judgement. Maybe that happens more than it seems, but in my case.. well...I got lots of "YOU SHOULDs" and not many cyber shoulders to lean on. I know it is hard since this board is so big now, and that mostly everyone just reads the posts and moves on without answering. I am taking such a risk to sneak time on this board - for nothing! So, I am moving on- as they say.

Good Luck to everyone on this board...maybe ya'll will be better at finding that online buddy to share the sad and the happy moments with. I'll have to keep mine to myself now... or share them with the cat.

Chloe

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 3:42pm
Chloe, have you been checked for BPD??
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 3:54pm
I think Chloe2001 has BPD as much as I have ADD. LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 4:08pm
Chloe,

I'm sorry that you feel this board hasn't helped you find some friendships and non judgements. I know that recently I have only been lurking and really not that often but I have made some wonderful friends on this board that have helped me more than they will ever know. When I first came on board back in March at first I didn't feel comfortable but everyone made me feel welcome and I have received great advice as well as a place to vent. I hope that you might still be lurking and decide to come back when you need us because these EMA's can be very lonely and everyone needs someone to talk to. You can email me thru my profile if you want.

DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 4:22pm
Where the heck did you find these wonderful friends?!?!?! Look at the posters, all Chloe had to do post was she was leaving and they say she has BPD?!? If you would let me know where these wonderful ppl exist I would be happy to know, as usual thru my profile.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 9:38pm
Well, I'm a good listener for one charmed1007. So feel free to email me through my profile. Tell me what's up with you, if you want that is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 12:47am
Hi Chloe,

Are you saying you would like to be able to come to the board, just to talk about your EMA and OM? Whether or not it's a problem, you don't want opinions, but rather, a "hugs, been there done that and I know", or, lol, "just wanted to share I had my *wheaties* this morning", lol? If that's the case, perhaps Sweet could organize a new folder, like General Discussions and Off-Topic Conversations, we could have a folder for those who don't require support, but would like to share and simply enjoy talking about their EMA and affair partner.

I've been a member of the board for a year, though not as active lately as I usually am, and have seen many changes and environments. I used to post analytical and just random muses, which was fun and enlightning when a discussion ensued. I've also posted responses, and still do sometimes, at some length, lol, because it helps *me* to respond how I think, and re-inforces my strength and convictions and perception. There were also more polls, and posts that were a bit saucy, too - all fun.

Chloe, instead of leaving, why don't you take it upon yourself, time permitting of course, to start posting fun polls and discussions. And, if you just want to ramble on about your OM or EMA, just include a disclaimer at the bottom that you are not looking for answers (because we all know we will find our own answers anyway) or even an opinion. If I'm on (so busy right now), I'll respond to them!

Hope you stick around - but if not, I wish you the best in life!

Meow

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 9:56am
Look jdreamer96, I did not come here to scout for a friend or looking for pity. I don’t want to come off as flippant or rude or anything - being rude is not my style. I am trying to wean myself off this board since you know I am not longer in an EMA.

When I came here I was 'fresh' as in love with a man who I thought loved me unconditionally as I did, but that was not the case. He did have conditions for his love and some of them I could not accept. He was never truthful to me either. That caused me a lot of pain and I feel betrayed by this repeated inability to keep his word. My privacy was intruded during that time, my sanity was questioned and I felt like a fool. In spite of all that I have kept a sane front, have not killed anybody so far….

I don’t know why I am posting all this to you, but as you see I am trying to get away from all that and heal myself. Coming back here only is going to delay that process and being friends with you only is going to remind of my EMA (if you can call it that) which is not what I really want to do. Thanks for your offer though. Too late....
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 10:03am
I didn't mean to offend. I am speakingof the ADD poster. I help women with BPD, and Chloe sounded as if it was more of a "talk me into staying" thing. We must recognize these types of behaviors before we can change them. If she were leaving, it would have been plain and simple. Her post left room for people to "coddle" her or beg her to stay. She got pretty much just that. I am in an EMA myself, and I think we need to assess what may be missing inside of us that would drive us to do such a thing as this. There are plenty of women who have had the opportunity to fall into something like this, and they have passed it up. We are lacking somewhere! Can't we face it? If we can face it, we can get help. Sorry, no intentions of offending, that is just the way it is.

Tink

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 11:45am
There are people who resist EMAs despite temptation, but I have to say something here. Like many people, after marriage I started to let myself go. I started out about 10 pounds overweight on my wedding day and quickly over the years put on pounds until the 8th year or so of my marriage, when I was 70+ pounds overweight. Men did not look at me. I was invisible. Any crush or fantasy I had about other men was one-sided and I knew it. I never even considered that a man would give me attention. It wasn't until I lost the weight that I started getting attention and even then, not much at first. I had to lighten my hair, get a tan, dress to kill, and basically change everything about myself before they really noticed. (Not that that was my goal...the attention was just the end result of all that.) I honestly don't think all married women DO deal with this on a daily basis. Look around you. Now, I can say that even at my heaviest, I did have some sleazy men flirting with me, but they were never the type I'd even consider. It was when I became the woman I always was in my fantasies that I started attracting that attention from men who looked like the ones in my fantasies.

Look around you. How many married women do you think have to grapple with what we're going through? How many of them live for soap operas or romance novels or listening to gossip about others? How many are TRULY happy? If they suddenly were to look like the women in one of those novels, how many of them do you think could resist a man coming along and sweeping them off their feet? Yes, we all have our varying reasons for doing these things...but I venture to say that a pretty high percentage of women WOULD cheat if the right set of circumstances presented themselves. For most women, those circumstances just never come, thank goodness!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 12:13pm
Since you already know that something is wrong with you and have come to terms with about 'lacking something' - why don't you yourself a favor and get out of your EMA? What's stopping you from ending the EMA since you have assesed your situation and found the fault lies with in you?