Leaving or not?
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Leaving or not?
| Sun, 08-16-2009 - 8:54am |
Kind of new here but not really. Been reading alot. My AP and I have been together for a little over 2 months. I am MM he is SM but has a gf. A week ago today we had a hugh fight and said somethings we didn't mean told each other we were done. I wasn't though...but didn't think he was we talk to me if I tried. So I finally text him Friday to apologize tell him I was sorry. He said I should have before now and asked why I didn't. I explained I didn't think he would talk to me. Anyway, ended up things are good now back to where they were. However, I feel everything has moved so fast. He has told me he has hugh feelings for me. That he can see himself falling in love with me. That if I weren't married he would ask me to move in with him. He thinks I am making a bad choice by continuing to stay. But understands because was once married before and continued to stay as well until he felt he was ready and it was the right time to leave. He says he is breaking up with his gf soon because she wants to get engaged and he does not want that. I have feelings for him as well but I am afraid he is going to pressure me to make a choice to leave when he breaks up with his gf. I am just not ready for that. He says I have a good thing going with him and I totally agree we have a great thing. We talk all the time. Text all the time. See each other at least every 2 weeks if not more. He is a wonderful guy. Couldn't ask for anyone better! But I need to get him to understand that my leaving needs to be based on when I am ready. Not really sure how to go about doing this. Plus it would cause me to move being we don't live in the same town. Any advice??

clarification please..are you mm or mw....post says you are mm, but from
reading through, it sounds as tho you may be mw...
I kind of am in your situation, as for asking the leaving or not question, but for me it's been longer and it's a little more complicated. Completely not proud of my affair, but wouldn't change it. Anyway, my affair has been going for 2 years this past July, but since March of 09 has feelings have definitely deepened.
Long story short:
My A is with my daughter's bio father...we were young when we had her, and he was exceptionally young in not knowing how to handle things. Needless to say, we did not end up together. That was 12 years ago.
I married my H, 8 years ago...I married for love but also needed security and I wanted a dad for my daughter. I know not great reasons. My husband is a good man...loves me unconditionally and trusts me without a thread of doubt. He supports me, I pretty much do my own thing ( I was in Jersey for the summer while he was up here). The thought of actually coming clean eats at me everyday, but it would be to leave, not to try to work things out. I love him, but I am not in love with him. I look at him, and the feelings are gone, I don't even want to kiss him, and of course always am tired or have a headache. I'm not happy and I guess that's how this all started...my AP asked me if I was and I couldn't tell him yes.
My daughter and her bio-dad don't have a good relationship...he married, and has 3 kids, but is in the process of divorce as we speak. He wants to be with me, and is willing to wait for me to leave my H, and it kills me that I know it hurts him. He and I have such a great connection and passion for each other ( yes sexually and emotionally). I love him with every fiber of my being.
SO, I have a similar question...how do you go about leaving? I know people will be hurt, that's not a surprise, and that eats at me knowing that I will hurt people I love. I stay b/c financially I can't leave, and until his divorce is final, we can't really be together, and I stay b/c my daughter loves my H as her daddy.
I too am having difficulty getting my AP to realize I have to figure things out for me...that it has to be on terms. He understands but hates it, and I hate putting on this charade. My H thinks our M is rock solid...and I feel so guilty for that.
Sorry this is so all-over the place...
My only advice to you is that your A is new, really new, and you have to be sure. Most regular relationships need more than 2 months to develop deep and meaningful closeness...and this relationship or A has been going on while you are married. I would look deep at yourself and what you want before you choose to leave. If you are leaving for you, then okay, but don't leave based on a 2 month relationship. Just my thoughts.