Leaving your marriage
Find a Conversation
Leaving your marriage
| Wed, 05-13-2009 - 8:59am |
Reading threw the posts. I might be wrong. Yea it happens now and again me being wrong. LOL I see a lot of women leaving their marriages. But these married men are not. Most say they arent leaving for MM. I know i have been thinking about it a lot. My affair seemed to make me see thing going on in my marriage i was just putting up with. Does being in an A make you compare the too lives ? Does it make hubby seem even worst than you thought? I use to atleast sleep in the same bed with my hubby. But during my A i stopped.

You could be right about more women leaving their marriages than men after having an affair.
It could be because men have affairs more often when their marriages are "happy" than women do.
In your APs case - do you think if you had left your marriage he would have ended up with you? It must be very hard to see him go off with someone else and be happy, but if you love him, isn't that what you wanted for him, to be happy?
If your affair made you realize how bad your marriage is, you really have only a few choices here. 1) You can try to make the marriage better, maybe with MC, if you see any hope there. 2) You can take the necessary steps to end your marriage and maybe end up with a better match and a happier marriage in the long run (but that's a maybe. If you're really unhappy in your marriage, being alone is better than being married). Or 3) You can stay in your marriage the way it is and accept that you won't leave and you won't or can't make it better - so resign yourself to it.
If you make no choice you're really choosing number 3.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
Does it make hubby seem even worst than you thought? Actually these days it seem my H is a better man.. However I just do not love him and he do not love me.. Our relationship is loveless/sexless it has been this way for years. Why do I stay the same answer you will get from a lot of the posters here. CHILDREN.. I cannot think of myself and just get up an go.. I have children that still need both us around.
In your APs case - do you think if you had left your marriage he would have ended up with you? It must be very hard to see him go off with someone else and be happy, but if you love him, isn't that what you wanted for him, to be happy?
Yes it was very hard to see him with somone else. He said he still wants to see me. Right now i have decided not to see him. I dont think i could have ended up with him. I am 20 yrs older . Also a different race. In the beginning he ask me to leave for him. H e was married then. He said the race and age thing didnt matter. I just couldnt leave my marriage. I guess the fear of what people would think. I never really felt he was serious. I do love him very much. Had break down when i found out. He has been in my life for 10 yrs. He was divorce when we met. He met and married his 2nd wife. Now this will be number 3. I dont even understand why he even want me around. She is 24 he is 37. She is beautiful. I am 57 . I am all those things too . But still i am old.
Or 3) You can stay in your marriage the way it is and accept that you won't leave and you won't or can't make it better - so resign yourself to it.
If you make no choice you're really choosing number 3.
I guess i have chossen number 3. I will be unhappy until i die. I dont have love my husband. He isnt mean to me. I am just not physically attracted to him. His fault i think. Doesnt take care of him self. He looks like and lives like a slob. I feel i am raising a child. We have been together over 35 yrs. I just feel there has to be more to life than this. I want to be taken care of. It seem i have to do everything. I have to make all decisions. I am just tired.
I always new AP was the kind of man that didnt like being alone. He also told me after his divorce that he wouldnt date if i came to see him .. Maybe he lied to himself as well.
I can totally relate to your situation - I have also chosen #3 - I love my husband, but I don't think I was ever "in-love" with him - not the way I am with AP - who awakened feelings inside that I never knew existed and I do compare him with H and see all the things that are not right in our marriage. I don't feel like I want to fix things with him - I guess I am waiting for an easy way out - if that exists.