Left home - On my own - Feel so better..
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| Wed, 04-14-2004 - 2:23pm |
So, we split the bills. He kept the house and all finances associated w/ it. I found a cute little room for rent that is furnished so I don't have to worry about furniture and all of that property mess now. I got a cell in my name and cancelled the one that I had that was in his. We separated bank accounts and each are working out of our own now. I took what clothes that I could and left.
We have talked since, and they are still emotional but good ones. Very adult conversations - nothing like the fights and mess that we had before. The place I found did a 3 mo lease, so I'm not locked into anything. If I want to run back to him in 3 mo, I can. If I want to move on with my relationship with the OM, I can. This is just for me to get sane and calm and think about what I really want right now. Its hard though - not realizing all that you have at home until you don't have it. Even stupid stuff like a bath mat, pots and pans, toliet paper, etc ;-) ha ha I'm making it though. I move in on Friday of this week. For the last three nights, I've stayed at the OM's parents house (he is gone remember). They have been so sweet and accomodating...giving me keys and letting me come and go...even going to see my new place and help me make a decision. I can't wait for him to return and see how happy and relieved I feel being on my own. I just hope this road to D doesn't get ugly.
As for the H finding about the A, he knows that I was connected emotionally to someone, and knows we spent alot of time together, but doesn't know about teh intimacy. I am still denying it, and he says he believes me and forgives me for even drawing close to the OM at all. He knows it was him that pushed me away, and he feels horrible for that. He doesn't blame me, which is odd compared to his old anger ways.
I just wanted to thank yall all for support. RAIN, you and I have alot to talk about with this being on our own thing. I know what you mean about having everything at your 'home' but being somewhere else!! I miss a little about my H...but I am loving being on my own...and can't wait for the OM to join me...whew...I didn't know I could handle this much ;-)

This weekend things between my H and I became so unbearable that I made a hotel reservation to get out of the house. After a long and somewhat constructive conversation with my H, I changed my mind and stayed. I am really on the fence about whether to end my M. My H is a wonderful and loving man who gives me the world, but I do not feel love and attraction for him anymore. That being said, I have decided to at least try counseling before I make a decision. I have decided that D must only come after I've tried to work it out. Unlike your H, I do not foresee a day where my H will let me walk out the door without being totally angry and hurt.
What do you think it was that finally made you leave? When did you know in your heart that it was the right thing to do?