Letter to the OM

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Letter to the OM
6
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 2:19pm
I know this is going to hurt but here goes on what I think. I need to have somebody who can talk to, share little jokes and what I did that day however mundane it may be. I cannot go on like this without any communication for a long time. It is really hard to see where you are coming from sometimes. I think opening up and communication can fix all of our problems. I know you feel guilty but you are already in the game. Do you think I don't feel guilty - yes I do and yet why do I want more? I don't know, maybe I am naive. I am willing to take a chance. Why is that it is OK to fanatisize and get somebody's expectation up and down than to do what you really want to do?

I hate to yo-yo like this in an relationship that is already wrought with up/down emotions. Its not good for my mental peace and in the end its not doing us any good.

I don't want to fight no more and all of out fights are beacuse of silly things that we have misunderstood or misinterpreted. I am not going to force you to see things my way, but I want to know I am here if you need me. You know where I am if you need, drop in a line and I'll be there.




Edited 2/19/2004 10:18:15 AM ET by anotherlifeforme

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 10:54pm
Sounds like a letter I want to write my MM ;-)

"It is really hard to see where you are coming from sometimes. I think opening up and communication can fix all of our problems."

I have told him that before ........ didn't get answer to that.

Why can't these MM communicate ?? is it because they are men ? is it because they can't make up their minds what they want ?

It is so simple , lets try to meet once a month , call or email once a week ...... is that so hard to do ? Is that so much to ask for ?? ........never got an answer to that . but got a phone call when he was ready to meet . I just don't get it .

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 9:59am
I think your letter is good and it will help you feel better and maybe give you some closure to this if that's what's happening. But I think you should just keep the letter to yourself and not send it.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think sending it will just make him think you are acting like a "wife" which they already have. He doesn't want another woman analyzing his feelings.

I've gone thru the NC before, I tried to keep things "breezy". Because for my MM anyways, that's what he wants, is a "fun" relationship, not a serious, "analyze that" type of thing.

I wrote lots of things like your letter. But I kept them to myself, I never sent them to him, even though I was really hurting alot from not hearing from him for several weeks.

And now we are back to together again, I think if I had sent those letters, it would never have happened, I would have "guilted" him away from me.

If I ever want to really end it, that is when I will send a letter like that. JMHO.

Take it or leave it.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 10:06am
If he is staying away from because of guilt I don't want to guilt him any further. I think he is old enough to decide what he wants and if he wants it badly he will come and get it. I want him to come willing and know he is free to go back. Thanks for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 10:37am
You keep those good thoughts going. Because you're right, if he wants you he will come back. Mine did. And I was so happy when he did. And he made the decision himself without me badgering him or getting all psycho or needy on him. I just let him have the time to get himself together and just tried to think "if its meant to be, I WILL see him again". And so I did. Good luck to you ALFM.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 7:47am


During NC times, the monsters crawl out of my closet and keep me awake all night. I'm a writer, and I swear I could give Steven King chills during those times. LOL

I try not to inflict those feelings on MM. But if I'm really wrestling with them, I might not write anything. Its better to talk about the problems that are bothering me than to email about them.

However, silence never fails to get a response. The last time I didn't send my daily note, I was informed that even if it hurt him to read it, it was part of how I was feeling and he needed to know. Then he used my own words on me, (the rat), "How can I help fix what I don't know?"

So, at least in our situation, I'll keep writing and sharing...the good, the bad, the scary, the funny, the sexy...We talk almost every day. I just wish we could see each other more often, and I suspect that's getting ready to change as well.

::crossing fingers, toes, and eyes:: Please excuse any typos. LOL



Cazrida

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 8:55am
Viperdiva,

You sound like I was during my first A - where the contact was completely sporadic and more at his whim than mine. I was looking for more - otherwise, why bother, you know? Unless that's the parameter set at the beginning.... my current MM calls at least once a day since I think he knows that's how you keep the relationship going and strong. My gut reaction to your commentary was that you are being used more at his leisure and this A isn't giving much back to you - which I personally think is something you need to make it work. Yes, being in an A is still a roller coaster, things happen that disrupt contact, each situation is different - I understand all that, but if you've tried to communicate some of your needs and no one is listening, I think it's time for you to reevaluate... just my two cents....

Jill