Letting my emotions control me tonight!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Letting my emotions control me tonight!
10
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 8:39pm
Got through the day alright...MM is still avoiding me like the plague. Never actually saw him, but he makes sure he is nowhere in the area where I am and before all this, he would go out of his way to come find me....YES, I know...NC, NC, NC and that's how it needs to be, but what makes me so DAMN ANGRY is how HE is the one who started this AGAIN and wanted to leave his W so he could be with me and then he just leaves me hanging...just hanging....I asked him a week ago if he was working on his marriage and he tells me no, tells me he's confused, tells me he'll text/talk to me, tells me he loves me, then does a complete 360 and tries throwing this bullsh*t about someone telling him about seeing me and H somewhere all lovey, lovey, so that's his "excuse" to be "upset and confused" about us...GAWD...it's a lie and he knows it and as far as I'm concerned his making it up so that's his exit out by twisting things around on me..he's done this before when he went crawling back to his W...I'm just so damn mad at him for making me out to be the big bad evil other woman that HE has to HIDE and stay away from when this and all the other times were HIS DOING HOW HE WANTED IT!!! Sorry, ladies...just needed to get this off my chest..thanks for listening....and, by the way, it's been ONE WEEK NC.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2009
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 8:47pm
I think you hit it on the head... He's finding excuses to explain his behavior. Be strong!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 9:06pm
Thanks, beneath...I did alright all day...I was strong, didn't care if I saw him or not, but the ride home is when it got to me. Like I told him last week, I don't know who I'm more upset with, him for doing this to me again, or ME for letting it happen!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 11:49pm

I have to say that you sound right in your assessment.

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 6:07am
Thanks, maystone...I know that's why he's avoiding me. We had NC for 3 months and when we hooked back up a few months ago, he told me that it just killed him to have to see me everyday and not be able to talk to me, that when he would see me, his heart would just drop to his stomach. My biggest HOPE right now would be for him to just quit or get fired, but that isn't going to happen..the quitting for sure. I should've never responded to his note he left me a few months ago to talk, I should've known it would end up turning out the same way. NC, NC, NC, NC.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 11:27pm

It sounds like from what you describe that this is also probably really hard on him.

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 6:26am
Last time we were NC for 3 months, he told me it was hard to see me everyday and not talk....he told me last week when I wanted answers that he was told to "stay away" from me ( there are people out there who know his daughter and wife and will tell her) and when he kissed me and told me he loved me, he shook his head and said "I'm weak"...I told him that he sure had a lot of people telling him what he should be doing and how he should be doing things in his life, I said, regardless of what happens and who you are with, one of these days, you're going to have to stand up for yourself and THINK for yourself....he didn't respond to that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 6:47pm
Yeah... he just sounds like he doesn't have the guts to think for himself and is letting everyone around him do it for him.
maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Thu, 03-12-2009 - 8:17pm
Thanks, maystone...good hearing from you! It's been 10 days and I haven't heard one word out of him. Last week he was gone 2 1/2 days then he was gone yesterday also. He has not texted, called, nor has he spoke to me when he has been at work...I did see him quite a bit out on the floor today, more than I have lately, but I was busy and never really looked right at him...he was walking back and forth to different areas he had to work, so there was no stopping when we passed each other. Yeah, he would always tell me that no matter what he did, he was always going to be the bad guy. He just cannot get past the guilt and he never tells me exactly what she says or does that sends him running back...all he says is that she cries a lot and is hurt most by the part that he's leaving because of another woman. All I know is that he has cheated on her 3 times ( that I know of) in 21 years of marriage ( 4 with me) and that he told me that he did love her, just wasn't IN love with her and never felt fulfilled or happy and I do believe that, but I also know that he is a person who is used to having his way and is set in his ways ( he's in he's early 40's) and I know that he is not a person comfortable with change or conflict. I know he loves his granddaughter dearly and she and her mother ( MM's daughter) live at home with them and his wife and daughter throw her ( granddaughter) in his face and make him feel guilty for not being there for her....I know he's afraid of being alone and I'm sure he's afraid of not knowing for sure how a future would be with me....he knows what his wife is like, he knows how she is, he knows what to expect from her, so he has a "guaranteed" for sure thing with her, even if it's not true, passionate love and happiness. It is SO hard having to work in the same place, having to see him...I had a couple moments today but they turned to anger and passed. He's done this to me four times before and each time he just leaves me hanging....avoids me, if I try talking to him, he talks in circles and each time has some stupid thing to twist around on me, like putting the blame on me that he went back to his wife....he did again this time and I think that's what hurts and pisses me off the most. Sorry for rambling...thanks for reading and your support!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 1:34am

Wow... It's so weird how my mm sounds so much like yours.

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 10:22pm
Hey, Maystone...if you want to discuss more in depth about our similar situations, you can e-mail me at gabby4ever2@yahoo.com.
I don't know if my address shows up in my profile or not....I had my settings set at receiving e-mail notices when someone responds to a post, but for some reason that doesn't work...aw, technology! :)