LIBERAL IS CRASHING - I need support

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
LIBERAL IS CRASHING - I need support
15
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 2:07pm
His "I'll call you back in a little bit" has turned into almost 3 days and still no call...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 2:30pm
Ugh, my MM does the same thing!!! Drives me nuts. Then I'll call him back a few days later and he'll ask why haven't I called. Then when I inform him that HE was supposed to call ME back, he gets real apologetic and says that he never calls anyone back. So if you are thinking the worst, stop......most likely he is just being a guy. He's probably sitting there wondering why you haven't called him. LOL
Avatar for imopus
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 2:36pm
i totally agree... my om does this too... in fact one time he said he would call me right after he got home from work to let me know it's ok to come over... well by the time 8 pm rolls around i figure he's got to be home... so i gave him a ring... and was like why haven't you called yet... when he picked up the phone... he was like "oh i thought you were going to call me"... guys are scatter brained... he's probably just forgotten... but i know that doesn't make it any less frustrating... if you can call or email him just do it and find out what's up?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 2:45pm
This is why men are the way they are, because we allow them to be. It's inconsiderate, rude and irresponsible for him to do this to me. I dont need to be disrespected like this and whether he is doing in intentionally or not, we've been over this before and when he says he's gonna call, I expect him to call.

I had a free weekend with my DH out of town this past weekend. We were supposed to get together for the day on Sunday, this was his idea 2 weeks ago...I called him Sunday morning and left him a voice mail that Id be home at 2. He called me at 2:30 and he was on his way to the lake to test drive a boat he may buy. How that became more important than seeing me, I dont know. He said he would call me in a little bit and this was Sunday at 2:30 and he still hasnt called...how am I suppose to excuse it when he's being this inconsiderate?

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 3:04pm
I agree it is inconsiderate. But at this point you only have 2 options. Let him know.....again how that makes you feel. Or walk away. My MM not calling me back right away is an issue that we deal with often, but I am not willing to walk away from a 10 year history over something so miniscule. It is one of my pet peeves just like H leaving his socks on the floor, but you learn that that's just how some people are. I honestly hope the two of you can work this out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 3:14pm
2 choices is right - we'll see what he decides because Ive done all I can do to tolerate this...I know I cant control him or his actions and I can only control how I react to them but I honestly just can't accept this as often as it happens. He lets me down more than he brings me up...whats in this for me?

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 3:46pm
Maybe you could explain to him one more time and then back off for a while. Give it a week and see what happens. If he is not bringing you up, then you are not getting anything out of the R. Maybe he has just gotten 'comfortable' with things and needs a slight kick in the pants! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 5:53pm
Mine will say call you shortly, or call you tomorrow. And then doesn't. I can call him if I want to and sometimes I do. He has a very unpredictable schedule because of the line of work he is in. I have always been more available than he has, but it has been this way from the very beginning. Sometimes he calls me by surprise, which I prefer. But he knows my schedule. And there are times when he does more than I expect him to, like give me his number where he will be staying when he travels. It is frustrating, but we are LD. Just tell yours it bothers you, but try to roll with it. It seems to be one of the downsides to this kind of relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 7:42pm
IM, I empathize completely. My MM does the same thing even though we've had huge blow outs over it before. Always, his reason is the same: "I got tied up, I've been so busy, blah, blah, blah."

I'm with you....if something that can wait becomes more important than spending time with you -- especially when time is so short -- then he needs to know that you've made the choice to curb him should it continue. Then he has to make the choice to rectify the problem or get in the wind.

My (x)MM thought it was "something miniscule." I'm sure he still doesn't realize it's part of the reason he's been dismissed. I love him to death & I miss him to pieces, but the hurt that escalates from having my time & feelings continually disrespected and routinely dismissed was unbearable. Like you, I couldn't see what I was supposed to be getting outta that crappy, inconsiderate behaviour from him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 10:17pm
I have to agree w/Kira. You are allowing yourself to be treated disrespectfully. If you want to put a stop to it, only you can do it.

I think it's a total cop-out to say that's just the way men are. It is not. It is not an innate urge but learned behavior that IS within any person's control. And anyone can learn to pick up the phone and call someone, to follow through on their word and to treat other's time as valuable as their own.

No doubt, your MM has become used to you initiating all the calls... it doesn't occur to him to return the favor because you always step up to the plate.

Even the "miniscule" things can show disrespect and selfishness. It's up to you how much of it you're willing to put up with.

best of luck,

lily

Avatar for ladyonalilypad
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 2:34am
My OM has had to get off the phone with me before.. says he'll call back and does. Guess I am lucky. Though my situation is A LOT different than most of yours.

Fact is: it is inconsiderate and personally I wouldn't be the one to phone first. Perhaps I am being petty but if they are really wondering about you then they should phone. Especially if they told you they would! Why should we as women have to be the ones to suck it up and call every time?

Basically my advice is to tell him straight out how you feel about the way you were treated. If it happens again then wait until he phones.. do NOT phone him first.

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