Libido ? to Those having an affair

Avatar for gobfuse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Libido ? to Those having an affair
7
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:34pm
Did any of you women out there who are having/have had affairs and were married, decide to do it because your libido was higher than your husband's, and you feel like you weren't getting it enough (or at all)? Perhaps you and your husband get along great, except for the sex?

If this is your case, do you feel like the affair is or has been worth it to you, or did it cause more complications/more internal turmoil?

My husband has a low libido, so we haven't 'done it' in over a year, despite me talking to him, and him promising to get it fixed. But time is ticking and I find myself attracted to men more that my husband isn't giving me a sex life. I really miss it, so that in a way, is tempting me, although I'd rather not, completely.

I have posted on the clashing libido's board, but I wanted to post on this board, to see if there was anyone out there who took the plunge and how it changed your life. My hubby and I don't have any kids, btw.

Thanks for your input!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:40pm
Hi, Gob.. welcome. My husband and I rarely have IC because he is on a ton of med's that make it difficult. But it wasn't the lack of sex, it was the whole rest of it. I feel sometimes like I'm living with a roommate/friend, not a partner. So I WAS looking for sexual release, and that has a lot to do with why the A works for me, but I was also looking for a different kind of communication with a man. One that usually happens when two people are sexually charged for each other but also attracted intellectually. I can't 'blame' this on H at all -- it's all me.
Avatar for gobfuse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:50pm
Hi Saturday:

I hope you don't totally 'blame' yourself. I understand that it is your desires for certain things that make you have an A, but maybe instead of blaming yourself, blame it on the situation. But I still understand that you are trying to be accountable.

I know what you mean about feeling like living with a roommate - that's how I feel. There is such a big dimension of me and h's relationship missing, at least to me, when it comes to sex. I think sex is very important, of course it's not the most important thing, but without it can seriously damage a relationship.

After all, what we all really want is to be loved, isn't it?

Thanks for responding and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 1:00pm
Like they sex, sex is not the most important part of the relationship when you are getting it, but when you aren't, it IS the most important part.

I can count on 1 hand the # of times H and I had sex last year. So far, a big fat 0 for this year.

This was a huge reason I entered into this A. I couldn't stand the thought of living without sex for the rest of my life, especially when I am in my "prime".

My H is a heavy drinker, this affects his sex drive big-time. And I've spent alot of time, crying, begging him to do something about it, stressing myself out to the point of scratching my hands uncontrollably.

Now I feel a lot more at peace with myself, I have someone who I can see a few times a month who can keep me satisfied. I don't feel I am taking anything away from relationship with H, how can you take away something that was not there?

Anyways, no guilty feelings here. If by some miracle H quit drinking and got interested again ... well, then I would have a BIG problem. Trying to decide what to do.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 1:14pm

Hi Gob,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 1:24pm
Sounds cliched but I don't regard H as my soulmate and thats the reason I was feeling a void and looking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 1:33pm
years ago, i felt a huge void in my R/life too and wasn't looking to fill it.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 4:34pm
I don't have a problem with my libido....it's just that I really couldn't care less if I have sex with H again...He doesn't care about his appearance, rarely shaves and showers (only if he's dirty - his words) and won't brush his teeth unless he thinks he might be "getting some." I have complained numerous times...even buying special soaps and colognes - all to no avail. Besides, his idea of foreplay is telling me if I don't want to fool around, how about me taking care of "his business!" Boy, hold me back.

My MM is completely the opposite. He, like I do for him, makes sure he looks and smells good and is very particular about his appearance toward me. He makes sure the sex is fulfilling for me and I for him. He doesn't rush through anything...taking his time and making sure I am happy. No girlfriends....my libido is just fine! ;)