Lilah..I used your words

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Lilah..I used your words
6
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 11:52am

I made up an excuse to email MM and put in the "call me when you get a chance"...no sooner than it was sent, he called.


1. I told him about my theory that if we were to experience the emotions and vibes that have been going on between us, that it'd be much easier to "hide" because we would know there was an outlet coming.


2. I told him what you mentioned earlier to your MM, that this was a no strings attached deal. I didn't expect or want him to leave his relationship, nor did I have plans on leaving mine!


Still...as we get off the phone...it's "we can't, we shouldn't..." he's so afraid of the consequences if we get caught. I told him it's inivitable. Damn..I've NEVER been this aggressive! LMAO. I also tell him as we get off the phone that the door is open if he changes his mind. He says if he changes his mind, I'll be the first to know. I told him I hope I don't have to wait to long to hear from him...in the meantime, I keep whispering in his ear...putting the thought in his head...giving him endless opprotunity to act on what we are both feeling.




Edited 12/16/2003 12:03:48 PM ET by hdcmomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 12:08pm
deleted


Edited 3/10/2004 5:02 pm ET ET by geek_chic
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 12:15pm

Chic...that's what I told him today.. I said, it's all or nothing. I can't allow myself to be strung along waiting for a "sign" from him. That being said...I also left the door wide open and easy for him to 'change his mind'


The line has already been crossed...we might as well get full enjoyment out of it ;)




Edited 12/16/2003 12:16:58 PM ET by hdcmomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 1:09pm
I kinda know where you are coming from...I'm in an emotional A, and let me tell you we have had alot of conversations about " what if we were to take it to that next level "

And we almost get to the point where we decide on going there, and then he starts getting worried that he or I might get too emotionally attached, even more so then we already are..it sucks. I feel as if I'm being strung along too. Realisticly, I'm the only one that can end it, and I have tried to end it several times, but we always end up talking again, it really does get emotionally drainning...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 3:59pm

THAT'S EXACTLY how I feel.

Laugh Smiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 4:06pm
Glad I could be of some assistance. It kills me that MM didn't realize all this sooner. Things seem to have intensified between us since this morning but that's always when I start getting scared because we usually get really intense before he backs off again. I wanted to make clear to him that I wasn't pressuring him but that when he was ready, I have no expectations beyond what we can have today. Maybe I should write it out in a letter... My MM isn't too different from yours. I put this to him this morning, yet when I saw him later he was hot and cold about it. He seemed to have the same fears you did...that we'd be discovered. That the guilt would be too much for him to handle. I think going into the holidays, we're both going to probably have to wait. You and I both know the guilt would really get to them while they were spending time with their families. I don't know -- my PRIDE keeps me from just coming out and saying I'm ready whenever he is, but I feel like I should let him know that I am. Am I though? I know if you have doubts, you shouldn't go forth, but I'm beginning to think that maybe the only way I can exist happily is by living this double life. I'm just not happy without it and I DON'T want to be with MM full-time. If I were with him full-time, I know he wouldn't complete all my needs. That's a good plan, though. We'll keep whispering in their ears. Keep them stirred up in a frenzy, wanting us, thinking about meeting us. It's kinda fun in a way. Nothing excites me more than getting him all undone. Something about having that control over him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 4:41pm
Well..I have said "you let me know when you are ready" Thing I'm worried about is if something doesn't happen by Thursday of this week, I won't see him until after the new year. But you're right about having to spend the holidays with his family...it may not be the right time...would be nice to get a kiss before the holiday break though...leave him something to continue thinking about during the break. I said I've never been this aggressive before...but you said it best...having CONTROL....it's a wonderful thing! See my response to your other post. I'm off here for the day. H will be home soon. But you can email me at shhh_itsme_EE@hotmail.com


Edited 12/16/2003 4:48:46 PM ET by hdcmomma