a little more info. Just dont know

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
a little more info. Just dont know
3
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 10:04am
Ok, I am 15 yrs younger than my MM, we both are married, except I am seperated from H right now...I fell in love with MM over 20 yrs ago, we were apart between 13 to 15 yrs, I would often drive by and check on him but he never knew. We ran across each other again 3 yrs ago, and he welcomed me back in his life, I know MM loves me very much, he tells me, he shows me, it's hard to explain but we have this special connection we can feel when we think of each other or when something has gone terribly wrong. My H has accused me of MM since the seperation, I did not leave because of the EMA, he has not found anything to make him think this. I have noticed that every time me and H have an arguement over the divorce, that something goes wrong in MM's marriage.

1. H and I had arguement in july, MM said W got phone call, asking his age.

2. H and I had arguement in Oct, MM said W got phone call, telling her to look for little car.

3. H and I had arguement Last Monday MM said W got call, telling my name, make of my car, she knew of our last meeting, but she trusted him..said she knew my car was loud and was looking for it to go by, said she was told he was being stalked.

Am i grasping at straws, i don't know what to believe, I have a friend that coulda called also but I dont feel did.

I cant help that a part of me thinks he may be saying this as a easy way out, our visits have been wonderful, and he truly cares, i sometime think he is scared cause he cares so much. We don't have sex for reasons need not be mentioned, but we share our love, and passion.

I want to ask him that but don't know how. I honestly dont know what to do. Talked to him sunday nite and he sounded straight to the point, not his usual self, (he is bi-polar also) said he felt like he should keep in touch and asked if that was ok, asked quest. about a person i havent seen or thought about in 15 yrs. just out of the blue...said w told him somthing last week, said tell me later.I asked him " What does he want me to do? Just tell me and I will." she said she was told how long i have cared for him. I dont know I feel something is a miss.

Any advice is appreciated...

How could someone know so much?

How do I ask him this w/out calling him a lier or offending him?

How do I find out who is calling?

How do I find out if H is calling?

Any idea throw it at me. lol.

Thanks, Babydoll

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 10:32am
babydoll - hi and welcome to the board.

whew, slow down girl, i feel like you're racing 100 miles a hour here! so let's see, you've been on again, off again for what, 20 years, and you still don't know your MM?? or apparently trust him?? why?? has MM lied to you in the past? broken up with you because of some unresolved issue(s)?? YOU have to ask yourself -- who do you believe -- MM, soon-to-be exH, or your gut?? if i were you, i'd meet face-to-face with MM, ask him all these questions, straight out, and watch and listen to how he answers. if you feel he's telling the truth, or NOT, you'll have your answer. trust your instincts!!

and let me also say, you don't need another "friend," you need a lover!. so what's up with the "no sex"?? i understand your connection to MM, but if you're separated and still not in a sexual R, why are you giving MM so much power over you?? take control of your life and make yourself happy!

good luck,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 10:58am
Ok the on and off thing.

I got preg. w/ our daughter 18 yrs ago and I chose to stay out of his life, at that time he had two young children, and his career I did not want to be the one to ruin his life. I got what I wanted and was happy, a daughter and I knew I always had him. I know MM well,I didn't know of him being bi-polar til we started seeing one another again he kept it hide before but cant hide it as much now, I have seen him go through his episodes of depression and seems like thats when he starts pulling away, then he goes through his rush of a high, then its smooth sailing til next time. maybe im just panicing, i just dont like the idea of her knowing all this about me.

The sex...he cant perform, scar tissue from a surgery he has had, our relationship is emotional, and passionate, we do mess around and he does satisfy, from deep within and in other ways also hehe...we are there for each other emotionally, passionately, sexually,(there are other ways of making love) he needs me and i need him.

I dont know for sure if H called or who. I do trust MM, I just feel he is wanting his space and to keep from hurting me he may have added to the story I just dont know, I wouldnt have thought this but when last i talked to him he said he was doing great, I'm thinking ok, I'm worried to death that she may know and he is doing great.

He did tell me to be patient and that he would think of something, said he didnt want me to leave. I know we have to put some space between us now until i find out exactly what and who is doing this. His marriage w/ his W is just that, a marriage in name only, he loves her but not as he should and love me too, his career is in its last year so he is very cautious and nervous he doesnt want to mess that up and I dont either. I should talk with him either today or tomorrow, I will tell him I need to meet him, I can only ask and if not i am going to back off a while, if he loves me and cares for me as he says he does then he will find me. He always has before.

Thanks for your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 11:31am